Beloved Burdens
by spelerison
Summary: How could his everything be gone? His heart, his soul, his anchor was currently being buried. AUish fic about Derek and Spencer and their time together. MORGAN/REID SLASH
1. Chapter 1

**Beloved Burdens**

**Prologue**

Watching as the man he loved was lowered into the ground he finally let the tears fall.  
>How could his everything be gone?<br>His heart, his soul, his anchor was currently being burried.

He didn't care that the ground was wet and muddy as he sunk to his knees wishing he could just crawl into that hole and they could be together again.  
>Watching all their friends say good-bye was bad enough, but now as he watched his lovers body become sealed in a new, permanent home, one that he wasn't allowed access to he could barely breath. He needed an escape, to get out of this reality, his reality, he had to get out of there. Pushing himself up he nearly fell sliding twice as he took off running as fast as he could, he didn't care where to as long as it was away from there, away from the truth. Someplace where he could lie to himself and pretend like nothing bad had happened.<p>

"I think I'll go after him." Garcia said hoarsely as she wiped at her eyes, the tears had been constant and she really couldn't imagine when her face would be dry again.

"No, I'll go. Haley and I weren't married when she died, but I think I can relate best to losing a spouse." Hotch shared hurting from both the memory of that loss and the fresh pain of losing a team mate, a friend. Though he knew sending Garcia would cause nothing more than fresh tears between the two.

As he began wandering off into the direction his friend had went he was glad to see he hadn't made it very far and was slouched against a tree a few yards away at the edge of the cementery. "You didn't get to far for how fast you were running." Aaron started not exactly sure where he should start. Condolences never seemed to be enough and after experiencing to many of his own he didn't want to be another "I'm sorry for your loss" or "We'll have you in our prayers."

"Yeah well apparently he took my strength. I.. I guess it's only fair since he already has my heart." He tried laughing, he really did but it turned into more of a bitter sob.

"He wouldn't want you hurting like this. You know he would tell you to live your life enough for the both of you." Hotch tried, hoping he could get the other to open up.

"Well you know what I say?" He yelled letting all his hurt turn into anger. "I say shut up! That's exactly what he needs to do, he's the reason I'm hurting right now!"

"Well then you tell him that. Let him know how you feel." Hotch pushed, he had told Jack to do the same thing, he knew being open and letting everything out was the best way to start healing.

"He's gone Hotch." He slowly pulled himself from the ground not caring that he sounded utterly broken. "If I had known when I vowed til death do us part, that it would be in just three short years I would have never agreed to those terms."

"I know, but just think of the five years you did get together." Hotch tried to comfort. How did you make someone feel better when they had been cheated out of their forever together, their happily ever after?

"He's gone...dead," he barely admitted, "and all I can think is how mad I am at him for not staying, ...or at least taking me with."

Hotch was never one for hugs, but if he was going to give one now was as good a time as any. He held him close praying that his presence would be at least some comfort, that's when he barely heard the softly whispered question. "How do I live without him?" That was one question he didn't think he'd ever be able to answer.

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><p><strong>EN: This is the middle of an idea that has crept up on me, from here it will go back to the beginning and so forth. I would love to hear from you, all thoughts, ideas and criticism are much appreciated!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter one**

Wincing as sunlight crept through the curtain and into his bedroom, Spencer Reid rolled over pulling the covers with and over his head. He never was a morning person and especially not since he started having these headaches and the morning light started causing him actual pain. He sighed sensing that he was alone in bed, that meant Derek and Clooney were on their morning run which meant that he needed to get up or else he was going to be late.

Lowering the blankets carefully he was happy to find that the light wasn't causing his eyes to feel like they would burst. Sure he still had a dull ache towards the back of his skull but he was used to that by now. As he got up he went to the closet, maybe he would wear something colorful, It seemed like it would be a good day.

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"Spencer?" Morgan called heading up the stairs. "Spence you up yet?" Walking into the bedroom he had to smile, Spencer had nearly half his wardrobe on the bed and was staring at it with a quizzical expression. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to decide what to wear." Spencer gave Derek a look that clearly said 'isn't it obvious'.

"I can see that, but why are you having such a hard time finding something today? Yesterday you barely matched and didn't care."

"There is nothing wrong with what I wore yesterday, and today is different." He knew Morgan was trying to get under his skin and it wasn't going to happen.

"And why is that?" Derek leaned his chin on Spencer's shoulder, having pulled him close from behind.

"Because a day I can think properly without feeling like my head is in a nut cracker is a good day in my book." Spencer explained as he breathed in everything that was Derek, including the not so refreshing stench of sweat.

"Well then" Derek leaned in nuzzling at his husbands neck. "We should celebrate."

Smiling as he remembered all the times He and Derek had 'celebrated' for trivial things he shook his head. "Nope, we already celebrated last night that I didn't burn dinner, which by the way I don't really understand since I've only ever burned it once and if I recall correctly that was your fault."

"Well then maybe we should celebrate the fact that we celebrated." Derek playfully teased, seeing how far he could push.

Laughing outright Spencer pulled Derek's hands of his waist and pushed him towards the bathroom. "Go shower."

"I'm going, I'm going, but I think you should wear your gray button down and a purple shirt, purple suits you really well."

"Thanks" He knew if it was up to Derek he'd never wear any other color, but he was going to take his advice and do just that, now all he needed was to find a pair of slacks.

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"When's your next appointment?" Derek tried to break the silence that they had been driving on as they came to a stop.

Watching as the light turned green Reid distractedly replied, "Tomorrow."

"What are they doing now?" He was almost positive every test that could be, was performed on Spencer.

"A few more x-rays and a facial scan." He shrugged fiddling with the strap on his bag.

"I thought they already put you through a complete series of pictures. I'm starting to think that the techs keep dragging you down there just to get their fill." Derek half teased. Seeing that his attempt at easing Spencer's mind wasn't working he decided it best to try for comfort instead. "Baby I know that things haven't been easy for you lately, and that these headaches have got you scared but I don't want you getting depressed on me."

"Derek-"

"No pretty boy, you need to hear me out, I love you and I know we'll figure things out. You've got some of the best doctors in D.C. taking care of you and I know it's just a matter of time before they find a reason behind your headaches and make them go away. I understand that you think you could possibly be going crazy and I know you think if you do I'll just lock you up and leave but I promise I wont. I'm head over heels crazy in love with you and if you're going crazy too looks like we'll have to move down south and get ourselves a funny farm. Spencer Reid I would rather spend the rest of my life sharing your blissful insanity than spending one single moment without you. So you just keep positive and I swear nothing will happen to you, not while I'm standing guard." Derek finished picking up the back of Spencer's hand and gently kissing it.

"I'm crazy in love with you too Derek Morgan." Spencer leaned in to kiss his cheek, Derek always knew what to say to make him feel better.

"What were you going to say?" Derek had settled their intertwined fingers on his thigh.

"Oh, I just wanted to tell you you missed your turn about five streets back."

"Why didn't you say anything?" They were definitely going to be late now.

"You told me to hear you out." Laughter could clearly be heard in Spencer's voice.

"You're first mate, you're supposed to tell me when we're sailing off course."

"What does missing your turn have to do with sailing a ship?"

Looking over at how brightly his love was smiling he decided to play with it, glad that he had managed to get Spencer to feel better. "Because I'm captain."

"As in Captain Morgan" Spencer was holding his stomach with laughter from the mockingly superior tone Derek had used.

Not believing that he had walked right into that one Derek started laughing too. He would gladly be the butt of some bad jokes if it meant his pretty boy stayed happy.

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><p><strong>EN: I hope that was enough to tide you over until I decide which way this fic is going. I can tell you for certain that it will not be another fic about Reids headaches I'm too hyper and bouncy to get into the detail one of those would need. Thanks for reading and I'm open to ideas, reviews and criticism!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter two**

"Hey Garcia!" Emily shouted as she hurried to catch up to the bubbly blonde who had nearly reached her office.

"Yep" Garcia wondered half heartedly. She had just been chewed out by Thompson for no apparent reason and wasn't feeling up to the usual jokes and playful banter.

"Where is everyone? I come in a little late and everyone decides to take the day off or what?" Emily had checked three offices and the bullpen with no success.

"JJ's helping Finwells team and I don't know where Rossi is, Hotch and Reid are discussing arsonists' techniques with the local fire department and boys in blue." Garcia offered going into her office, she was really feeling the teams absence.

"And Morgan?" Emily followed closing the door, everything else sounded about right but Morgan not working was hard to believe, the man lived to work.

"Took the morning off for a doctors appointment. He'll be in right after lunch." Now would probably be a good time to upload some of those files she had been given but honestly the day was bad enough already, why add to it.

"Is he sick?" Emily pulled a chair up to sit next to Garcia, it wasn't like she had anything else to do at the moment.

"Nope just one of those yearly things." God she was bored.

"That's boring."

"Tell me about it." Not even her little troll was keeping her entertained.

"No offence to Reid but Morgan was a ton more interesting before they got married." Emily mused having realized that the boys really were an old married couple.

"Naw, he was just more mysterious. Now that you know he's going home to Reid everynight the player charm has vanished." Garcia laughed making her troll disappear after its little inactment of a partying Morgan.

"The charms still there. I guess its the wonder that's gone, but it's good he's done with the partying and what not. At least he got the newlywed fun while that lasted." Emily might have complained about the lack of good men but she doubted she'd marry even if one came along, she wasn't ready for that yet.

"They might not be newlyweds anymore but I don't think that fun went anywhere." Penelope waggled her eyebrows to make sure Emily got her drift.

"Oh really, and how do you know this?" Emily couldn't help but lean closer, things had been really dull lately and why wouldn't she want to know what was going on with the teams couple.

"Lets just say things are alot more interesting when you show up somewhere uninvited." Garcia could tell her mood was rising along with Emilys.

"You're not saying-"

"All I'm saying is I don't think Morgan has stopped with the parties, I just think they've become more private." Garcia wasn't going to say anymore, she had promised.

"Oh no, you're not getting off that easy. I'm not going anywhere until I get some details." Reid always stayed very professional at work and Emily sometimes joked with him that his marriage was more of a business deal than an actual relationship. So now given the chance she wasn't about to let it pass up without squeezing Garcia for everything she would let slip.

"OK" Who was she kidding, the longest she had ever kept a secret was a few days and this one had been killing her for nearly a month. "When I went over there a little while ago the door was unlocked so I just let myself in." Smiling at the memory of one very mad Derek and an adorably embarrassed Spencer she went on, "The sight that greeted me in the livingroom was enough to turn even my face red."

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><p>"How'd things go?" Reid asked over his plate. Derek had picked him up from work after his appointment to go to lunch.<p>

"Fine. You know the usual poking and proddin'." Morgan explained waving a fry.

"You got blood drawn?" That was a bit strange for a physical.

"Yep, apparently I'm that old now."

"So when do you get the results?"

"They said they'd phone by Friday but I told them not to bother since I'd be down at the hospital with you. After we see what your doctor says we'll go get the results." He hurriedly finished the last of his sandwich, Hotch wouldn't be happy if they took a late lunch on top of him taking the morning off.

"You ready to go?" Reid grabbed his bag already having stood.

"Yep, you done?" With Spencers nod he got up making his way to the door.

"So what else did your doctor say?"

"I'm healthier than a horse." Morgan bragged as he put a little extra bounce in his step.

"Oh really?" Reid was not buying that.

"UGH... he said the usual Spence." But with the eyebrow lifted in his direction he knew his answer would have to be better than that. "You know. To be careful, watch what I'm eating, and to hold off on the stunts at work." Morgan grumbled.

"Advice I know for a fact you'll be to stubborn to take, but that really does sound like he's taken great consideration of your age." Spencer laughed at Derek as he got into Dereks suburban.

"Like you don't get told the same things." Morgan found himself growing annoyed now, Spencer was openly laughing at him.

"As a matter of fact I don't, but I'm not about to turn fifty either so I wouldn't know." It was so easy to get under his husbands skin now that he had learned all the touchy spots.

"Wow old jokes, real original there kid."

"I thought so." Reid was still laughing as they left the restaurant, Derek playfully shoving him a teasing smile firmly in place, as Spencer returned the gesture he was proud to have finally received himself an audible chuckle. He had always considered himself a serious person but then Derek came along and all that changed. He and Derek joked and jabbed about everything especially each other and he loved every minute of it.

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><p><strong>EN: Thanks for all the attention you have given this story and I know this chapter's a bit short but I promise they'll get longer as I gain a feel for things. Any ideas or thoughts are loved as always!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter three**

He usually reveled in the feeling of security and warmth Dereks arms provided but tonight it was more of a confinement. He had been trying to control the tossing and turning but his mind was racing and the stiffness in Dereks hold told him that he wasn't the only one.

"Baby what's wrong?" He'd been drifting when he felt Spencer tense, at first he had thought it to be the beginnings of a nightmare but when he pulled him closer trying to provide comfort he realized he was still awake. Trailing his fingers lightly over Spencers scalp he continued his thoughts on what could be bothering the man, he knew neither would be resting until it had been dealt with.

"I can't sleep." Derek nearly rolled his eyes at that. "So I've noticed, but why?"

"Don't know." He shrugged flipping so he was on his stomach. "Just can't seem to clear my head tonight." Adjusting his position so he was comfortable, or at least as comfortable as he would get Spencer whispered, "You should try to sleep, I'm sure I'll follow soon enough."

Lying there silently rubbing soothing circles along Spencers back Derek waited. He knew if given enough time Spence would sort his thoughts and share. It was about fifteen minutes later and he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open when Spencer finally said something. "Derek?"

"Hmmmm"

"Where do you see yourself in ten years?"

"With you." He siddled closer until they were sharing a pillow. If this was insecurity he sure didn't know where it came from let alone why.

"I didn't mean like that." Spencer pushed himself up a bit turning on the light as he did so.

"Well then how did you mean it?" Derek propped his head up on his hand turning slightly to look straight at Spencer.

"Where do you see your life, your career?"

"You already know that I want a family babe."

"Yes and I know we've been talking about starting a family alot lately but we've yet to breach the topic of how we're going to obtain those children let alone what the plan would be for raising them." Derek was more of a go-getter but Spencer liked plans and reasoning and it had been bothering him that they'd yet to conceive one.

"I see us adopting a few kids." Derek began as he started putting concentration behind the question.

"You don't want them to be biologically yours?" Whenever Spencer invisioned them starting a family it had been with the thought of a surrogate.

"No matter what they'll still be mine and I like the thought of helping a child, providing a much needed home." Morgan shrugged it off, he fully believed that he had enough love to give a child and wouldn't deny it for something as trivial as DNA. "If we're allowed maybe we could even foster a few."

"If I'm the one expected to stay at home with half a dozen kids I can tell you right now there's trouble ahead." Spencer half joked. He wanted to know what Dereks expectations were though, if they were realistic, if he agreed with them, and if he could meet them.

"As much as the BAU has become a home to me we've started a new one Spence." Derek sat up against the headboard completely serious in what he had to say next. "I don't like the idea of getting on a plane and leaving my family for days or possibly even weeks at a time. That's yet to be a problem and you'll have to make this decision for yourself but I want to be able to come home at the end of every night, to actually be there for are kids everyday and not worry about bringing psychos around that would try to hurt them."

"You'd quit the BAU?" He was beyond shocked and he knew his facial expression was reflecting as much.

"Not right now and it wouldn't be quitting. I'm... It's been... I'd..." Derek sighed trying to find the right way to explain. "Have you ever seen power rangers?"

"A time or two." Spencer was confused as to where this new subject fit.

"Well it's sort of like that. You've got your team and eventually a mission or something along those lines appears for you. Right?" Nodding Spencer had a questioning expression as he waited for Derek to continue. "Well if you've seen it completely through you know that each member has their own personnal goals and dreams, they just have to finish the task at hand first. They battle the monsters and demons that appear and eventually they finish the mission, but that's when they realize it was more of a mini-mission and they only have a small piece to a very big puzzle." Derek hoped that made sense.

"So they continue on." Spencer rationalized.

"No most of them don't Spencer, that's my point. There job was to find that piece and they accomplished that."

"Who finishes the puzzle then?"

"Not us." Derek quickly answered, he should have known better than to use puzzles as a metaphore. "What I'm trying to say is there will always be another unsub no matter how hard we wish otherwise but eventually it's time to move on and let another take your place."

"The battle was ours but the war runs free, we'll take the battle but the war will always belong to he." Of course Spencer could sum it up that easily while he was left tripping on his tongue. "So you'll be a stay at home daddy if I decide to continue chasing the bad guys?" Spencer joked.

"Did you just call me daddy?" The devilish smirk and raised eyebrow had Spencer groaning with regret. "I think I could get used to that."

"Derek" He whined indignantly.

"Seriously though," He laughed as he pressed a quick kiss to the pout Spencer was sporting. "I don't know about the whole stay at home dad thing but I'm sure I can find something that will give me the hours needed to be able to still care for a family, but if you still want to be part of the team I'll support you in it."

"So you don't think you'll stay at the FBI either?"

"I don't know... but one thing I do know is that none of this has to be figured out tonight." Derek yawned reaching over to turn out the light.

"True" Spencer agreed as he too layed down, his head resting on his husbands chest an arm slung over his waist. "If we wanted though between the research papers and some of the book deals I've been offered we'd never really have to work again."

"That good huh?" Derek mumbled knowing Spencer was only theorizing, neither of them would be happy doing virtually nothing.

"Well the rent from your houses nearly has this one paid off and depending on the topic two articles would probably cover the months bills. Then doing a book, well you've seen how obsessive the crime fanatics are plus mathematics is another hot topic."

"Is it now?" That was something he'd never believe.

"Yes and between those I think we'd be able to manage modestly wi-"

"Spencer" Derek spoke sternly.

"Yes"

"We're still working and I doubt either of us will ever stop completely, now stop with the money talk that's not something we need to worry about right now."

"But children are ex-"

"Don't say it." Derek warned as he barely stiffled another yawn. "There's no fun in life if you plan it until retirement."

"Well when you're talking about quitting said job I think a little financial security is in order."

"I already explained the reasoning behind that and there's still alot to figure out there but that's still a few years away. By the time we start a family I'm sure it will all be worked out. Now go to sleep." Spencers continuing of calling him a quiter was starting to get under his skin, you'd think he'd be happy that he wanted to have a relatively normal life and not just expect Spencer to take care of the house and kids while he ran around doing as he wished.

"What if I said that was my intention with this conversation." Spencer lifted his head trying to gauge his lovers reaction.

"To sort thing out?" Derek clarified.

"Mhmmm"

"And right now was the best time to do that?" He sighed feeling the crankiness creep up from the sleep deprivation.

"I wanted to make sure we really had a solid plan or at least a sensible idea of what we're doing exactly." He explained as he rested his chin on his forearms that were splayed across Derek.

"Like I said we've still got plenty of time." Why was this bothering Spencer so much tonight?

"Derek" Spencer knew he had gotten his full attention, he always did when he sprawled ontop of him, so they could have direct eye contact. "What would you say if I told you the purpose of all these questions was because I don't want to wait a few years?"

"You don't want to wait a few years?" He repeated, the meaning slowly surfacing along with a smile. "You don't want to wait a few years." This time it was said happily with clarity.

"Well we keep on talking about it but it's always in future context and with the time it takes for an actual adoption to go through not to mention finding an agency willing to help out a homosexual couple I figured at the very least we'd be looking at a years process so why not start now." That had been what was keeping him from rest, if Derek would have said he wanted biological children the subject would have been dropped but now knowing that adoption was the route they were going he couldn't help but think of the obstacles they'd face and knew the earlier they started the better their chances would be.

"You want to adopt a baby now?" It was both a scary and exciting thought.

"Now doesn't really exist in the world of adoptions and it doesn't have to be a baby but I'd like to start the process." An infant in the house was a terrifying thought, he had been thinking maybe a child on the closer side of one possibly even two.

"My baby wants a baby." Derek sing-songed enthusiastically. Apparently he'd have to adjust to the idea because Derek didn't seem to be changing his mind about a baby.

"What do you think?" His smile was wide but he'd swear Dereks was lighting up the room.

"I think that we do indeed have alot to figure out and that we've just made alot of people happy me being first and foremost."

"That's good." Spencer placed a lazy kiss to the jut of Dereks jaw, his head resting on a shoulder that he could already feel relaxing. The day had been a long one and he knew he probably shouldn't have kept them up so long, his own exhaustion starting to weigh his eyelids.

"Love you" Morgan mumbled letting himself become victim to sleep. He was beyond excited but didn't have enough energy left to convey it properly, tomorrow would have to do.

"Me too" was barely spoken.

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What only felt like moments but was probably closer to an hour later Spencer found himself groaning at the sound of a phone going off. "Baby" It was a word he had picked up from Derek, one that he only used a handful of times and never intentionally but right now he wasn't really thinking and didn't really care.

Already knowing what Spencer wanted he didn't even bother answering as he searched for the offending object. " 'ello" He tried clearing the fog from his mind already knowing what was coming but still feeling the disappointment when he actually heard it. "Alright, we'll meet you there." Taking another minute to wipe the sleep from his face with his free hand he then took too trying to get his other arm free. "Babe get up." The reply he received was mumbled syllables but they were clearly a protest. "Spencer come on, we meet in forty minutes."

Letting out another indignant groan he rolled over to his side of the bed. "I'm starting to agree with your reasoning behind the puzzle and its pieces."

"Up" Derek pulled on his husbands arm taking his own advice as he turned on the light. He wasn't sure how he ever managed making it to any of their other inconvenient briefings before they got together, the team had taken to only calling one of them if it was the middle of the night and a few times when Spencer had answered he had fallen back asleep before saying anything leaving Derek to answer one angry Hotch not to long after.

"I am." He already knew the ritual, he'd go make coffee for them while Derek took a quick shower and then they'd switch, by the time they were finished there'd be a stolen moment for themselves before they were out the door becoming Agents Morgan and Reid once more.

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><p><strong>EN: Sorry this took so long but as I promised a longer chapter. I'd love to hear what you're thinking. Suggestions and criticism are also welcome.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Four**

"Four dead families?" Emily stared at her file as they continued their briefing on the jet.

"The Roberts family was last, same as the others. Stacy and her two children shot in the back of the head." Morgan showed a picture of two children and their mother lying face down on a bed, hands still tied behind their backs.

"The Father was worked over pretty decently this time." Rossi added.

"Not to mention the execution style bullet to his brain." JJ remarked.

"Our unsub showed obvious rage while handling the male leaving him in the same place he fell, the others were placed together seemingly shot in the bedroom but according to the reports of the other two crime scenes the children would have been killed in their own beds before moved to their parents room." Reid explained as he placed his file away already having read it multiple times.

"Blood spatter patterns suggest the mother was killed before the children were moved." Hotch continued from his spot behind Emilys chair.

"If he really wanted her to suffer he would have let her see the children, taunted her with their deaths before killing her." Emily theorized.

"No he was showing remorse, saving her that image, allowing them to be together in death. Whatever his motives they'll be shown with in the fathers not the families." Rossi finished.

"Well whatever they might be I'm hopin' they show themselves soon because according to this his time line is shortening." Morgan sighed out as he continued to gaze at the crime scene photos.

"As in nearly non-existant. He went from a month between the first and second then to three weeks between that. This last one was ten days." JJ was watching as they came closer to contact with the ground, normally this kind of case would have waited until morning but with no time line to be followed they were left to help an overwhelmed police station who were currently scrambling.

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><p>Michael Denson, their unsub, had been engaged, about to be married when the bank foreclosed on his house. Talking to his fiance revealed possesive tendencies and she eventually called things off when he started treating her as property. Further research showed the victims' houses had all been bought as foreclosures within the last year and that the Roberts family had moved into the exact house Michael had lost causing him to finally snap and get rid of the people that reminded him of what had been stolen from him, what he could have had.<p>

"We go in on the count of five." Hotch whispered as he began the count down on his fingers. They were at Michaels brothers house where he was reported to be living since his breakup, him, JJ, and Rossi on the front door. Emily, Morgan, and two locals covering the back while Spencer and a Detective were perched on the stairs of the side entry.

"MICHAEL DENSON FBI!" Hotch shouted as the echoe of two doors being kicked in settled.

"Where is he?" Rossi shouted to his brother Daniel who had jumped from the couch in surprise.

"Get him out of here." He told JJ as he continued in the direction that had been pointed out.

"Down there." Morgan had stopped infront of a door he presumed led to a basement as he continued to hear shouts of clear from above.

Nodding his agreement Rossi followed Morgans lead down a darkened staircase as he pulled out his flashlight to acompany the light the one on Dereks gun was providing. They reached the bottom just in time to see Michael running up another set.

"Reid he's heading your way." Rossi warned through the coms as he followed Morgan who was running across the basement.

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"It doesn't sound like they found him." The Detective told Reid from the new spot he had taken beneath a window.

"There.." Reid was cut off as he heard Rossi's hurried, _Reid he's heading your way, _but the warning didn't serve its purpose as before it was completely finished the door burst open and he was faced with their unsub. "Michael you've got no where to run man!" You heard Morgan yell closely behind but all of this was blended in Reids ears as mere seconds after the door opened Michael charged sending him down ten cemented stairs not caring as he continued to run.

Coming out of the side door just in time to see his husband fall Morgan found himself seeing red as he flew down the stairs with a speed he didn't know he posessed running past Spencer and tackling Michael to the ground just around the corner of the house before he even got the chance to exit the yard.

"You bastard!" Morgan shouted as he flipped him over sitting on his chest to pin him as he raised his fist landing a solid blow to the mans jaw. "You filthy no good.." The thought wasn't even finished as he drew his fist back again landing blow after blow.

"I'm sorry." Michaels voice was a near gurgle as he began spitting blood.

"MORGAN!" He ignored the repeated shouts as he continued his assault until the hands belonging to those voices began pulling at him.

"Morgan stop!" Hotch ordered as he barely caught a fist that was aimed in his direction.

"HE... Oh god, SPENCER!" He called as he remembered the exact reason he was so mad.

Watching as Derek ran toward the back Hotch found himself suddenly very worried as he followed, Emily close behind. They stopped when they reached the side where Spencer had been posted, it was now obvious why he had been so upset.

"Why are you just standing there?" Morgan looked at the Detective with distaste as he dropped to his knees.

"An ambulance is on the way."Rossi offered as he moved out of the way.

"Spencer?" Derek patted his lovers cheek as he tried to get a reaction from the unconcious man. "Spencer can you hear me?"

"What happened?" JJ asked as word had quickly spread and she too came rushing to the scene.

"That bastard pushed him off the stairs." Derek growled as he slithered his arm under Spencers neck attempting to pull him closer.

"Don't move him." Emily warned as she kneeled next to them.

"I'm..." Derek stopped as he felt his fingers touch something slippery. Pulling his hand away from where it had been craddling Spencers head he was greeted with a gleam of sticky red liquid that had nearly covered his palm. "SHIT!" He cursed as he ignored Emilys warning and pulled Spencer nearly on top of him. He wouldn't admit the fear that had crept up as he held him close blocking out every other sound as he waited for those sirens.

"He's a bit over emotional no?" Detective Davidson watched the scene infront of him. Sure the kid had wacked his head pretty hard but it wasn't as if he'd been shot.

"That's his spouse." Rossi informed.

"And now we know why you don't have one." JJ growled at the disguisted look that had appeared on his face as she stormed to the front to wait for the ambulance. Her friend was hurt and they didn't know how badly yet that Detective was acting as if the only thing that had happened had been a scraped knee.

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"How is he?" Emily asked as she, Rossi, and Hotch came into the waiting room. They had gone to the police station to wrap things up but JJ had called to let them know Reid had woken up on the way to the hospital about an hour ago.

"I haven't heard anything since they took him back." JJ shrugged as she stood. "Morgans with him though."

"We wait then." Rossi sat casually as he picked up an old golfing magazine. They would wait to see how Spencer was and depending on the outcome after that they'd be set to go back to Quantico.

The rest of the team took his lead as they settled down to begin their wait.

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"How is he?" Morgan asked the woman who was responsible for Spencers treatmentas she continued writing something down in his chart.

"He's right here Derek." Spencer grumbled not liking how his husband was talking over him like a child.

Ignoring Spencer he continued to stare at the doctor until she answered. "He'll be fine. Though I recomend you going to your local physician in about a week to have those stitches pulled and to check on the progress of your collarbone." She talked to Spencer as she closed her file smiling at the worry still painted on Dereks face.

"You're sure he doesn't need to spend the night?" Derek wasn't convinced as he continued to stare at the man in the bed.

"Derek" It was a near squeek that made the pounding in his head even worse.

"I'm positive. Just keep a close eye on him during the flight, other than that you're good to go."

"What am I looking for on the flight?" His worry was nearly tripled.

"The pressure of altitude changes sometimes causes brain bleeds." Spencer let out before he realized he wasn't helping his case. "Though that's highly unlikely under the circumstances, I don't even have a concussion."

"We can get a hotel room for the night." Derek decided stubbornly.

"I wan't to go home." The pout wasn't lost on Derek he just ignored it.

"You sign these and I'll send a nurse with a wheelchair." She excused herself. This was a discussion that she didn't need to be part of.

"And we will, tomorrow." Derek sighed as he sat on the bed next to an obviously annoyed Spencer.

"Derek"

"No pretty boy, you scared the hell out of me and I want to make sure you're okay. You've got half a dozen stitches in that head of yours and a crack in your collarbone, that isn't something to mess with." He admonished as he ran his fingers down Spencers thigh stopping his trail as he lifted the hand that was resting on his knee and grasped it.

"You're right, I'm sorry." Leaning in closer he placed a soft kiss to Dereks worried brow. He wouldn't argue anymore even if he did want to get out of this town and back home, the throbbing in the back of his head was getting worse and he didn't want to add to it with a senseless fight between them.

"Just the thought Spence... I don't like seeing you hurt. What if it would've been worse?" He whispered pulling him closer ever mindful of his injuries.

"I'm sorry." He gave Derek the comfort he needed, knowing it was irrational to be apologizing for something he had no control over but wanting to make Dereks worry dissipate.

"I'd say your chariot awaits but it looks like you already found Prince Charming." They turned to see a middle aged woman with a wheel chair in the doorway smiling at them.

"Lets get out of here Pretty Boy."

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><p><strong>EN: Hope you liked this, didn't hear from anyone last chapter so I'm not sure if you like the direction this story is going. Hope that's not the case though, THANKS FOR EVERYONE WHO IS READING!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Five**

Not to say he didn't enjoy spending time with his husband but nearly a week had gone by and he was ready to pull out some hair. "Derek can you please find something to do?"

"I would but Hotch wont answer my calls." Derek huffed as he made what had to be his thirtieth pass around the livingroom.

"Well seeing as you haven't stopped calling him since your suspension started I wouldn't be inclined to answer you either." Reid sighed as he placed his book to the side, he was on manditory medical leave and instead of enjoying their inpromptu vacation Morgan was making the time they had nearly miserable.

"I agree that it wasn't the best idea to attack Denson like that but eight days, that punishment way past exeeds the crime." Derek finally gave in as he sank to the couch next to Spencer. "I could be doing something useful right now."

"There making an example." Spencer offered simply as he stood going to his desk. "And you still could be doing something useful." He returned to his spot passing his laptop over to Derek.

"Like what?" He asked as he stared down at the blank screen Spencer had opened.

"I've book marked a few websites for adoption but I can't really start anything until we decide which route is best for us." Was said as he opened them up to let Derek see what he was talking about.

"Explain it to me." The twelve webpages that had appeared already had him feeling overwhelmed as he passed the computer back.

"Well you've got your three basic types, private agency, independant, and public angency adoption. With the private agency we essentially just find an agency that we're willing to work with and that's willing to work with us, we hire them and they do the rest." Spencer stopped to make sure Derek was really following before he continued. "In an independant adoption it would be are job to locate the child we want to adopt."

"I don't see that happening, it's not like we come in contact with a lot of children that are suddenly needing parents." Derek shook his head to that. The children they did come across that ended up orphans usually went to other family members and even if they didn't he didn't want to look at his child with the memory of some gruesome tale of their parents murder.

"True, though going independently is less expensive than an agency unless it falls through, then we're left with the financial burden." Spencer was already narrowing his results from that deduction.

"What's the other one cause I don't see the Independant route working for us."

"Public agency"

"That's the foster kids right?" Derek wasn't even bothering to look at the things Spencer was pointing at as he scrolled down the page so fast it was nothing more than a blur of lights to him.

"Yes it's usually through a foster-adopt process. A child would be placed with us on a foster care basis and if he becomes available for adoption and the DSHS consents to our wanting to, the adoption will be made final." Spencer explained as he leaned over to grab his mug, Derek was clearly sorting through all the information he had been given.

"What do you mean if he becomes available?" That if was sticking like a thorn in his side.

"We would be providing a home for a child that is in clear need of an improved situation but it sometimes can take months if not years for the child to become legally free to adopt. Other foster kids never become available to adopt, some even get removed from their foster families and returned to their biological parents."

"I know I said I'm willing to foster Spence but this is going to be our first child." Derek looked him straight in the eye continuing when all Spencer did was nod in agreement. "I want it to be _ours, _theres no way that I'm taking the chance of getting attached and then having it pulled away. I'm one hundred percent for fostering but not our first baby, if we do this I want to be guaranteed that that child is mine to torment as I wish for the next eighteen years."

"Really? If you plan on tormenting an innocent child for nearly two decades I might have to rethink things." The scowl on Dereks face was priceless.

"You know what I mean." Derek tossed a throw pillow at him annoyed with Spencers joking with his feelings. "I guess that means we're going through a private agency."

"Alright, so that brings the next question, Domestic or international?"

"Domestic of course." Derek let out before Spencer even finished the question.

"Why?" Spencer doubted Derek would be against raising a child that didn't share his ethnicity but he had answered fairly quickly.

"As cute as we'd be raisin' a little Asian baby there's enough kids right here that need homes and I'd like to provide one of those."

"Alright, so next would be, Are we going in completely open? A lot of agencies have highly religous backrounds and though they will help out homosexual couples it tends to be only one of the parents actually goes through the actual process of adopting the child, the other left more in the shadows." He wasn't to thrilled about that one but it was an option that would most likely get them a child quicker.

"Once again Spencer it's our child and we're doing this together, the other ways might be easier but we're equal in this." Derek assured, he wouldn't want it any other way.

"Did you know that single mothers who are actually informed of a homosexual couples interest in their child are more likely to show interest in said couple over a heterosexual one? It has certain appeal to them that if their baby is adopted by a gay couple then they will get to continue being the childs only mother." It was an assuring little bit that made Derek smile, as always Spencer put all the information out there before giving it a spin that worked pleasently to their advantage.

"Well of course it has appeal, you're very appealing, add me and there's no way she wont approve." Derek leaned in for a kiss.

"Who's approving what?" Garcia watched as her two best men jumped apart in surprise.

"Garcia!" Derek shook his head at the woman who was standing there with no remorse. "There's a reason doors get locked and an even greater one for the invention of the door bell." Now thinking of it he had indeed locked the door, how'd she get in?

"I used the backdoor." She shrugged simply as she sat down on the armchair across from them. "Now who's approving of what?"

"Some guard dog you have." Spencer huffed, clooney was in the backyard and hadn't made a sound.

"What are you doing here?" Derek had closed the laptop with a simple ease as he tried for nonchalant while slipping it onto the side table.

" Hotch had me screening his calls but after you started bothering Rossi it was an unofficial order to come distract you." She nearly laughed at Reids face and the hint of embarassment that Morgan was showing. "Now quit avoiding the question."

" I don't need a babysitter and if I need a distraction I know where one can easily be found." His smirk was playful as he tried to drag her into some harmless flirting, it wasn't that he didn't want her to know but their adoption process was going to be a long one and he didn't want her to join the group if they ended up disappointed, which would probably happen multiple times.

"A distraction is all you consider me?" The raised eyebrow was supposed to show seriousness but the humor in his voice ruined most of that emotion.

"Well Pretty boy I'll have to take that into consideration but I'm thinking there's a few more categories you can be squeeezed into." With that he leaned in to finish what Garcia had interrupted.

"He just got out of the hospital hot stuff, are you really trying to put him back?" As much as she loved them she hadn't come over to watch them make-out on the couch like teenagers.

"Yeah..um... coffee?" Reid showed his mug to let her know that he planned on refilling his own cup.

"Sure?" He had nearly fell off the couch, and she had a feeling whether she accepted his offer or not he'd use it as an excuse to take some time for the flame to leave his ears.

"You'll be bored pretty soon Baby girl, we don't have any plans for the rest of the night." He leaned closer to Garcia still amused with their reactions, Spencer wasn't so much shy as he was guarded around others but as much as Garcia liked to talk she still held an air of innoncence and could even be considered a blushing little girl at heart.

"We'll have to change that then. Spencer get out here we're leaving!" Penelope Garcia did not wear bored well and she wasn't going to allow these two to lounge around and waist the night either.

"Where to?" He hadn't even started a new pot of coffee yet.

"We'll get something to eat and figure it out from there."

"I'm not really..." but she had already grabbed her bag and left. "hungry."

"Looks like you are now." Morgan patted him on the shoulder before following Garcia. "You get some shoes I'll get clooney."

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"What about a movie?" They were walking alongside a strip mall and had yet to agree on something to do.

"I don't really feel like it Baby girl." He didn't really care either way but he doubted sitting in a chair for nearly two hours would be good for Spencers collarbone, not to mentioned what the surround sound would do to his head.

"Well then what do you want to do?" She had warmed her way into the middle of their group and was currently wrapped around both of their arms.

"Go home." Spencer mumbled as they received yet another strange look, he would have sworn people stared less when it was just he and Derek holding hands.

"Not an option, and since you two are dragging your feet so much I guess that means I pick." She had started toward a shoe store but something else caught her attention. "Look how cute!"

Spencer was about to remind her that it was bad manners to point but he too saw what she was refering to and it brought a slight smile to his face. Walking toward them was a younger couple but in between them was what was the center of attention, they had a little girl by either hand and she was clearly taking what had to be some of her first steps. They were off balance and she was nearly tripping at times but she was smiling brightly clearly feeling accomplished, he brought his attention back to their group when the little girls father lifted her and they crossed the street.

"That was adorable, we need another little baby on the team." The suggestion was clearly heard but Morgan redirected it instead.

"Yes we do, when are you and Kevin going to get on that?"

"Oh no you don't, you're the married one." She was staring at Spencer now as he wasn't saying much. "Don't you guys want kids?"

"Of course we do." Spencer shrugged as he directed his attention to one of the store windows.

"Well?"

"Well what? You can't just go out and buy a child Pen." So he obviously didn't like sharing the subject with others but it was clear that Spencer wasn't ready to either as he hadn't said anything.

"I know that, just trying to light a little fire see if anything sparks." She had noted that they both had seemed uncomfortable while talking about starting a family but she didn't know if it was because they weren't in agreement on that subject or her presence made that discussion an uncomfortable one.

"Why don't we go look at some of those shoes you were eyeing." Spencer never thought he'd willingly suggest shoe shopping with Garcia but he wanted to break the heavy silence that had fallen upon them.

"Oh you'll so regret that suggestion."

"I'm sure he already does." Morgan laughed as Reid seemed to slow his pace even further instead of fastening it to catch up with Garcia.

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"I think Garcia forgot one of her bags." Spencer lifted said bag as he sank to the couch with a sigh. He hadn't been expecting her to spend nearly three hours in the store let alone for her to buy six pairs of shoes.

"I'll take it to her later." Derek tossed it carelessly onto the table as she had only bought shoes but regretted the action as the contents fell out and he had to get back up to lift them from the floor. "Or not."

"Why?" Spencer lifted his head from the couch to glance at Derek who was reading a note of some kind.

"Here" Derek tossed the retrieved box onto the couch not even bothering to get Spencer to try to catch it. "She says to think of them as an incentive and that we better not let her money go to waste."

"I guess it's a good thing we already plan on doing just this." Spencer wasn't sure what else to say as he stared at the tiny white shoes that were cloth with white lace for ties.

"You think we'll actually get a baby that tiny?" Derek had lifted one of the shoes surprised to see that it was smaller than his thumb.

"I don't know, but I hope not." That thought was extremely scary.

"Why?" He had taken the shoes from Spencer and pulled his attention to him instead.

"I trip over my own feet all the time and your like a big ball of pure muscle not to mention the fact we both stand over six feet, we'd be like monsters to a baby that little." He crossed his arms as Derek started laughing.

" I'll admit that it's scary to think about but we wont know until we get there." He whispered pulling his husband against him as he rested in the crook of the couch. "I can tell you for a fact though I'm more excited than anything else."

"Me too." They were really starting down the path to creating their family and Dereks enthusiasm had Spencer greatly amused, he might be able to turn him into a stay at home dad yet.

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><p><strong>EN: Hope you enjoyed and now it's up to you the reader to decide where we go next. What do you want to see? Should I start steering this boat back toward our start, the death or should I continue on some? Suggestions are awesome!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Six**

"What are you guys up to tonight?" Garcia pounced, she, Emily, and JJ had plans that involved the five of them and it was more of a way to let them know what they would be doing then asking if they had anything to do.

"What are you up to Mama?" Derek knew she had something in mind, she had nearly knocked Spencer over with the enthusiasm she used to throw an arm over each of their shoulders.

"We are going out." Emily joined them in the walk to the bullpen, all they had to do was grab their things and type up reports for the day and they'd be on their way.

"We does not include me princess." Derek shook his head. "I am going home feeding the dog and going to bed."

"When did you become a ninety year old bore." JJ teased. "I'm a mother and got more move than you."

"Oh I've got plenty of move." And the move he did to prove just that had Spencer rolling his eyes and the other three in a mixture of cat calls and laughs.

"Where do you want to go?" Spencer was interested, it had been awhile since he'd been out and as long as the place was decent he'd be in.

"Out."

"Well if we don't get a location can we at least get a reason?" Morgan stopped when all three girls looked at him like they had just been insulted, looking at Reid he was glad to see he wasn't the only one out of the loop.

"A reason?" Garcia was shocked. "It's like one of your anniversaries, how do I know these dates and you don't?"

"No it isn't." Though he still glanced at Spencer to make sure, glad to receive the nod that he was indeed correct.

"Yes it is. You guys have been together for ten years now." Garcia knew for a fact she was not wrong, she'd triple checked.

"We have known each other for ten years, two months, and nine days. I started working here nine years, three hundred sixty-three days ago. Derek and I started dating five years and three months ago and we've been married for three years, seven months, twelve days, six hours, thirty-eight minutes and fifty...four seconds." Spencer checked his watch for the last part not at all surprised when his gaze returned to four stares.

"Well as he said it's mere days til he's been here ten years and you're friendship's been goin' on a little over ten years. That is a decade that deserves celebration and recognition and that's what we're going to do." Emily agreed with Garcia as they continued on, they needed to get going if they'd be doing anything tonight.

"Are you really counting the seconds of your marriage Spence, that's not a good sign Morgan." JJ laughed.

"Don't knock it Jennifer, if I recall correctly there's still no ring on your hand." Morgan snarked back playfully as he pulled Spencer closer.

"That's how I prefer it and if I recall your engagement story correctly the only reason there's a ring on your finger is because Spencer put it there."

"I still can't believe that." They all teased Morgan relentlessly about it but Emily had to admit JJ and Rossi took the cake.

"I know, I would have loved to see my junior G man proposing, I would have sworn it would have been the other way around." Garcia had nearly choked on her coffee when they had first announced it to the team and she'd seen a ring on her hot stuffs finger and not Spencers.

"Hey I've told ya'll I was looking at rings, he just beat me to the punch." Morgan knew that the teasing was in good fun but it didn't change the fact it bothered him.

"What is so wrong about me asking for what I wanted? True if you're going by the stereotypical proposal the man asks the woman but that doesn't apply here and there's no set rules and though I'll never have as dominant a personality as Derek I'm still very much male." Spencer grumbled.

"Absolutely nothing Pretty boy, this right here is what we call jealous." Morgan placed a kiss on Spencers forehead as he received a smack from Garcia, a huff from JJ, and a laugh from Emily.

"Of you? not in a million years Morgan, me and Sergio are gettin' on just fine for now." Emily smirked at the insult that appeared on his face as she and Reid took their places in the bullpen and Morgan and JJ continued on up the stairs.

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Two hours later and they were sitting in the back of a local bar that had a club feel without so much of the noise and hassle. Penelope and Derek had gone for drinks and Emily had disappeared into the crowd with some guy she had met on the way to the bathroom.

"So what's Henry been up to lately?" Spencer asked JJ as he watched her watching the other two returning from the bar.

"Oh Will's got him on a new kick." JJ shook her head as she scooted over for Garcia and accepted her drink from Morgan. "He's got him asking for a little brother or sister, I told him we could get a dog but Will is insistant on having more kids."

"Who's getting a dog?" Emily joined the last part of the conversation slightly breathless.

"JJ so she doesn't have to have anymore children." Reid stated simply.

"Well don't say it like that Spence. It's not that I don't want anymore, just not right now, Henry's still little and things would be hectic around the house with an infant and toddler."

"So tell him that." Morgan shrugged as he took a sip from his drink. He was wondering how good his chances of getting Spencer to dance with him would be, he didn't want to be talking kids in the middle of a bar.

"I have, he just isn't listening." JJ got a glint in her eye as she turned to Garcia. "You and Kevin give Henry a cousin, that way Will can babysit and satisfy his baby craving."

"First off no," Garcia had nearly choked on her drink. "and secondly you just made it sound as if Will intends to eat my future none existant baby cakes."

"Emily" The pleading eyes had shifted.

"You've lost your mind Jayje." Emily refused as she once again stood. "Spencer come dance with me."

"I think Derek would love too." Spencer politely declined.

"Well then he needs to go find a partner because we're taken." She indicated between them as she pulled him from his chair and to the dance floor.

"Hey!" Derek called as he got up to follow them. "I don't remember you askin' permission to dance with my man!"

Listening to both Emily and Spencer correct him on that JJ and Garcia watched their friends dance in a funky triangle of sorts, laughing as some girl engaged Spencer in what looked to be a bad mix of the electric slide and funky chicken.

"I'll give you fifty dollars to go join them." Garcia bet as she began scouting for a suitable dance partner.

"I am not nearly drunk enough for that," JJ shook her head at the horror that was circling around her friends on the dance floor. "but I'm up for showin' them how it's really done."

"Ooooo a challenge, I'm in!" Garcia squeeled as she jumped up to join the group.

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"So age for first kisses." Garcia continued as the laughter died down, Emily had just got done telling them about the time she had accidently set a fire in the teachers lounge in her elementary private school and how pissed the nuns were.

"Fourteen" JJ offered first as she took a sip from her fifth drink. "I waited two years for David Braxden to find the courage to make a move, turns out he wasn't worth the wait."

"Thirteen" Emily added. "Don't even know the boys name, I just kissed some random guy outside of school one day because I knew my mom was watching and I wanted to piss her off."

"Well that was about as romantic as a story of someones first one nighter," Garcia rolled her eyes as she answered her own question. "I too was thirteen and am still friends with Peter."

"Twelve," Morgan smirked at the of courses he got. "and I did not make Danielle wait though I am no longer in contact with her, I've found it best to keep your exes in the past no matter how far back they go."

"More like they threatened bodily harm if they ever saw you again." Emily laughed with the others as Morgan just shrugged and took another swig from his beer.

"And you Spencer?" JJ prodded as he had stayed quiet.

"Around the same age as everyone else." He shrugged simply as he watched Emily down her sixth drink, the girls hadn't been shy in ordering more and he was getting ready to cut them off though he wasn't quite ready to be the one to spoil the fun.

"Oh come on Pretty boy I'm interested, what was it fifteen, sixteen?" When Spencer shook his head he continued on, "Seventeen? Legal?"

"I was ten."

"Ten." Garcia asked as JJ started wiping up some of the drink she had indignantly spurted across the table.

"Ten is awfully young Spencer." Spencer had told him that his first girlfriend had been at nineteen and Derek was surprised to hear that she hadn't been his first for everything.

"I've always been young compared to others, you asked I answered, now moving on." He hadn't lied about anything they just always assumed he was inexperienced and a complete social outcast.

"How old was he?" Emily wondered as she moved closer to hear better, she didn't like the idea of some teenage boy taking advantage of a helpless Spencer.

"It was a she," He put extra emphasis on that word, it was annoying how they always assumed him to have been gay. "and she was fourteen. She was a sophmore I was a junior, I was nearly eleven and we ended up partnered for a science project. Aimee was a complete nerd and she's the one you can all thank for my addiction to Star Trek." He laughed at the memory, it had been one of the only times he had enjoyed working with a partner and she had actually colaborated with him instead of assuming he'd get them both a good grade.

"I knew there was some playa in you." Derek joked as he knocked his bottle with Spencers glass.

"I've got the next one." His mood was once again light as they seemingly moved on without accusation. "First bad grade."

"Oh no."

"That is not how this game works." JJ explained as Derek and Emily had started laughing histerically.

"It's about learning firsts so why not?" He found that that only caused Garcia to join in the laughter.

"You know what, go with it Spence. What was your first bad grade?" JJ encouraged, it was safe to say the other three were well past the tipsy point and she could probably say the same for herself so who was she to turn down his question.

"Caltech, Professor. Plynth was a complete jerk as you would say, I worked three weeks on my thesis and he had the nerve to take a red pen to it." That day and the snide look on that mans face still angered him.

"Shhh...Shhhh.. Sh Sh." Derek blew as he tried to control his laughing. "Red pen is serious business, What grade did he give you?"

"99% the bastard had the nerve to give me an A-." Garcia and Morgan had continued the laughter that only tripled as Emily fell out of her chair and JJ started giggling uncontrollably.

"Your too funny." Emily breathed.

"I think it's time to go home," Spencer stood as he ushered them to do the same. "and I'm driving." Emily hadn't even bothered to get back up she had just sat on the floor and that was testiment enough that it was time to go.

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"Did you really think the night before our appointment at the adoption agency was a good time to drink with the girls like you were at a bachelorette party?" Spencer grumbled as he pushed their front door open, it had been quite a car ride as they dropped off the other three Garcia having started a round of karaoke. Though he suspected she wasn't as drunk as she was acting just enjoying the loosened mood of the others.

"It's gonna take more then a night out with those woman to knock me off my feet. I was just hangin' loose and relaxing a little, I'm fine for tomorrow." Derek smiled though it didn't help his point any as he stumbled on the stairs.

"If I remember the definition of your slang correctly that's illegal and you'd better be or we'll be having some words." Spencer warned as he went to the dresser to dig out some sweats.

"It's only illegal in public and I like it when we have words." Derek pulled Spencer back some by the belt as he tried to get him to turn around. "You're certainly good at using them."

"So I've been told." He turned his head from the kiss that Derek was trying to give him and passed him a pair of flannel pajama pants instead as he went to sit on their bed.

"You worried?" He asked as he tossed the pants to the side and sat next to his husband. He'd never say it aloud but Spencer had been on edge and extra moody lately.

"No, I know Sam will do good for us." They had been happy to learn Samantha, the woman they had originally talked to when finding their agency would be the one handling their case.

"Then?"

"I was thinking about what JJ said about not wanting another baby right now and it bothers me that it bothered me." He wasn't sure if that had come out how he intended so he just waited to see if Derek understood.

"That she can have kids and doesn't want one but we have to go through so much trouble to get one?" He was almost positive that's what Spencer had meant but he waited for the affirmative to continue, "It's normal to feel that way Spence, just don't dwell on it."

"I know." He kicked off his shoes as he began unbuttoning his shirt.

"You know I love you right?" Derek offered as he finished undressing. He wasn't sure why but he suddenly had the strongest urge to make that known.

"I know that too," Spencer nodded as he watched Derek pull the comforter down. Something in the air had shifted and suddenly things seemed very serious. "and I love you too."

"I really do." He sighed as he climbed into bed and pulled Spencer to do the same.

Deciding to just enjoy the rare display of open and honest emotion Spencer curled close as he offered a lazy kiss. "I really do too."

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><p><strong>EN: So sorry for the long wait but I didn't receive any ideas so I needed to take a moment to figure out exactly where we were going with this and I'm proud to say I have! Hope you enjoyed and I'll try to get the next chapter up quicker!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Seven**

**Saturday Morning**

Breathing in deeply Spencer took a moment to fully wake as he enjoyed the familiar weight of Dereks head on his chest and arm around his waist. A look at the clock said they had slept in and as per usual lately they would be hurrying to make up the lost time, though he felt bad for having to wake him as the alcohol hadn't been his friend the night before. Derek hadn't drank too heavily but what he had obviously hadn't settled well and it had him emptying the contents of his stomach early that morning. He himself had stayed in bed as he knew how Derek was with showing vulnerability and had wanted to give him the extra space, he had kept himself semi-awake though as he waited to feel that dip in the bed before finally drifting off again.

"Derek," he began rousing as he pushed a few stray hairs from his face. "get up." Derek was a deep sleeper, especially when he was comfortable but to Spencers dismay he was starting to feel pinned and uncomfortable. "Derek," he sighed exasperatedly as he pushed lightly on his shoulder. "I've got to use the bathroom." Normally the whine in that would have gotten him somekind of response or even a laugh and the fact that it hadn't had him worried as he used extra force to push himself up.

"Derek," The man was lying on his stomach and hadn't readjusted himself from where he had slid from Spencers torso. "Derek wake up." He knew his voice was higher than it should be but the feeling creeping into the pit of his stomach had him near frozen with fear. "Babe," He began shaking Dereks shoulder roughly. "Babe this isn't funny." Fear had flown out the window as panic set in and he rose to his knees to turn the unmoving man. "I'm not laughing." He didn't trust what his eyes were showing him as he layed his head against the broad chest, he was indeed not laughing when he didn't find the sound he was looking for and the tears started streaming, when he had to admit to himself that no matter who the person no heartbeat mant no life.

"No, ... I'm going to get you some help and everything's going to be okay." He pushed himself up with shaky hands as he began reaching blindly for his phone. "You're going to be okay Derek."

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

They didn't get many Saturdays off and he had already planned this one out perfectly with Jack. They had been in the middle of a soccer game when he got a text from Reid that said, 911 come quick, and he had to once again disappoint the little boy, Reid just better hope it was for an actual emergency or he'd soon be regretting his actions.

"Reid!" The front door was open and the hairs on the back of his neck had stood straight up. "Reid!" Something felt wrong and if he had his gun on him he would've pulled it. Deciding it best not to call out again he carefully made his way through the first floor, finding it empty except for the dog who had been closed in the mud room he continued up the stairs where he could hear the faintest mumbling which he followed to the bedroom at the end of the hall.

"Reid?" He wasn't sure what he was looking at as he watched Spencer pulling his fingers up and down Dereks arm gently his head resting on Dereks chest. He was about to turn around and leave not seeing any reason his presence would have been wanted and feeling like he was interrupting a private moment but Spencer lifted his head right then and the tears and absolute pain he saw in those eyes kept him standing in the doorway.

"He needs help Hotch." Those words had him moving to the side of the bed where he took his first real look at Morgan. The first glance had a horrid knot in his stomach and as he reached slightly shaking fingers down he prayed to God that he'd feel a pulse and bit his lip to keep it together when he didn't. "He's..."

"He's going to wake up!" Spencer shook his head furiously as he curled closer to his husband.

"We both know he wont." He whispered as the weight of things began sinking in and his eyes began to blur and burn with tears he refused to let surface.

"He's just tired Hotch,... He just, he just needs a little more sleep." How he wished it were true.

"Spencer he isn't sleeping." The shake that had taken over Reids body had him worried and he knew it was time to move him away from Derek.

"No... No, Don't say that!" He screamed as he began pulling on Derek once more. "He's gonna... he's gonna wake up. Derek! Derek!"

"Spencer" He couldn't bring himself to do much more than watch as Spencer burried his face into Dereks neck and pounded a fist against his chest.

"No Hotch! He wouldn't miss today! We've got an appointment. . . . remember Derek... remember, your baby wants a baby. We're going to start our family, we've got to start our family Derek!" He sobbed as he pulled himself even closer looking for the warmth that had been there mere hours ago.

"Come on Spencer." Aaron pulled slightly on the other mans arm as he blinked back a few tears that were threatening to make themselves known with this news.

"No! Just... Just come back Derek." He pulled away from Hotchs hands as he laid his head back down on his lovers chest. "My mom's gone, you're all I have left. Baby, just please.. please don't go!"

"Spencer he can't stay here like this, we've got to get him help like you wanted." Hotch pleaded as he tried again to pull the man from the bed none surprisingly having his hands smacked away though he continued to try.

"I'm not dumb! He's dead and once they take him away I'll never get him back!" He sat up to look Hotch in the eye, he didn't appreciate the way the man had tried to trick him. "I'm not going to do that, I can't. He is all I have Hotch, I can't leave him alone like that."

"He's gone Spencer." He had seen hundreds of crime scenes but none of them compared to standing in a room with a dead friend and it had his stomach flipping uneasily.

"I know," Spencer sniffled though he didn't even bother with trying to clear his face. "He left me Hotch. He swore... he swore he wouldn't and he did. He lied, he promised... he promised me..." He choked on another sob as he layed back down on the other man giving him a hug that would never be returned. "We were going to have a yard full of kids, and we were going to get clooney a friend, and we were... we were" He stopped as he tried to catch some air but the sobs only got worse as the tears continued to burn his eyes. "You said forever Derek!"

"Spencer breathe." He had no choice but to push his quickly growing anguish to the side as he physically removed him from the bed as he began gasping for breath kicking and fighting as he dragged him into the hallway. "Breathe" He went with him as Spencer sank to the floor where he pulled his knees to his chest.

"He said forever." Spencer whispered hoarsely as he hid his face in his arms, his throat was on fire and his chest felt to tight for anyones good but he couldn't honestly bring himself to care.

Aaron wasn't sure what to do as he sat next to the man with his back to the wall finally allowing a few of his own tears to fall, no words would be able to fix the gaping hole that had just been opened within Spencer, nor the cracks he could feel beginning to split within. "He promised me forever."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Eight **

**Sunday Morning**

"Mom make her stop!"

Fran shook her head at her daughters fighting in the kitchen. She and her husband both worked full time so they had made it a habit to spend every Sunday morning together with the family for breakfast. It was a tradition she kept up over the years even after their father passed away, and the girls still showed every weekend even though Derek had long since moved away though he tended to call most Sundays as of lately. "Girls behave yourselves."

"Desi's the one acting like a four year old." Sarah complained as her sister tossed a biscuit at her which she threw right back.

"That better not be your Grandmothers award winning biscuit that you two are tossing around my kitchen, because surely her granddaughters wouldn't treat her hard work with such disrespect." She gave a false stern glare as she watched Desiree slide the bread onto the side of the table as she avoided her gaze.

"Of course not momma." Sarah smiled as she started piling eggs onto plates. "Any educated woman would avoid such childish actions."

"It's a good thing we didn't waist all that money on your education then." Desiree joked as she dodged the blow that her sister attempted to give her, lifting her plate and going to sit.

"Someones being extra harsh this morning. That hurt Desi." Sarah pouted, though she had to hold back a laugh as she thumped a hand over her heart.

"You two are horrible." Fran showed her disapproval as she grabbed the pitcher of orange juice from the fridge.

"Not as bad as your son." Sarah tossed in as she joined them at the table.

"Leave your brother alone."

"Yeah Sarah, quit being so jealous." Desiree teased as she poured herself some coffee.

"Of? I am not jealous of Derek." Sarah huffed. "Tell her to quit talking ma."

"Well," Fran shrugged as she began salting her eggs.

"Woah, wait a minute! What did that well mean?" Sarah dropped her fork as she turned to her mother. "I am not jealous of Derek."

"You so are, you have your whole life planned out perfectly and Derek stuck a big dent in that when he got married before you. He's following your schedule better than you are." Desiree pointed out the obvious.

"He is not, my life is going just fine. He and Spencer had a beautiful wedding and I'm happy for him, if anyones got bitter feelings it's you."

"Their wedding was lovely." Fran tried to stop their bickering, she didn't know what was up with them this morning but they were being beyond snippy.

"Me?" Desiree pointed to herself. "Why me?"

"You're the one who had a crush on Spencer." Sarah was satisfied with the blank look that washed over Desirees face.

"I said he was cute, once like six years ago! Admitting that someone looks good does not automatically mean you like them!"

"Sure." Sarah agreed with sarcasm as she went back to her breakfast.

"Always a bridesmaid never a bride." Desiree sing songed in retaliation.

"Hey I made a damn good bridesmaid thank you very much." Sarah looked Desiree straight in the eye for about a second before they both burst out laughing.

"At least Spencer and Derek let you two pick out your own dresses." Fran was glad to see that whatever bitchiness had been there before had disappeared, she wasn't sure how much more of it she would have allowed before she would have to treat them as the children they were portraying. "Remember what Jessica had you wear for her wedding?"

"Oh God how I wish I could forget. That explosion is still in the back of my closet." Sarah shook her head at the memory.

"At least you got the pink with green tulle, I had that puke green as a main color with a hot pink bow accenting the back." Desiree complained, she didn't know who in there right mind would call such a nasty color olive.

"I've got pictures around here somewhere." Fran smiled at the groans that came from her daughters. "Why Jessica had her mother dress in blue though is anyones guess."

"I think her mother threatened bodily harm." Desiree laughed as she pulled a piece of toast from the center plate. "If I could've I would've."

"And how was it fair that Derek got a simple tux when we looked liked chewed up blow pops?" Sarah argued.

"Ask Jessica." Fran offered sympathetically.

"Well I was actually surprised that Derek did any kind of ceremony, I figured he'd be the type to go through court." It had been no surprise to find out they were getting married but being asked to be part of the wedding had stunned her and when that happened as per usual her and Sarah started teasing him.

"If you'd have seen Derek when I went to visit a few months back you'd have died of shock. I hardly recognized the man I was observing." Fran was proud of how much her baby had grown.

"Why, did he turn into that much of a cave man since he left?" Desiree joked as she poured three glasses of juice.

"The opposite actually, Spencer's been a good change for him."

"Well at least it wasn't the other way around. Can you image what Spencer'd be like if he picked up some of Dereks old habits?" Sarah couldn't even imagine the genius as such, though she had noticed his more laid back personality and he did have a tad more slang in his vocabulary.

"Lets just hope those aren't genetic." Desiree let slip before she realized that she had indeed just opened the door to one of her mothers favorite topics.

"Speaking genetics."

"You just had to stick your foot in it Desi." Sarah grumbled as her mother shushed her.

"When do you two plan on giving me some grandbabies?" She had three children that had successful careers yet she had yet to be given a grandchild.

"Ask Derek that!" Desiree and Sarah said at near exactly the same time.

"He's the married one." Sarah was quick to add.

"And he's the one that said he wanted a yard full on Christmas." Desiree continued pleading her case.

"Yes but you'd think my oldest would have already granted such a little request, and you" Fran turned her attention to Desiree who had started laughing at the heat Sarah had been given. " have been in a serious relationship for two years now. I would like to have some grandchildren while I'm still young enough to play with them."

"Yeah Desiree," Sarah found herself unusually grateful at the moment that she was single. "when are you and Tyler going to have some kids?"

"I'm... We're..." Desiree found herself flustered and the gazes that were nearly boring through her weren't helping. "We've decided to..." She was cut off by a ringing.

"Saved by the phone!" Sarah laughed at the relief Desiree showed.

"I don't think so," Fran burst their bubbles. "I'm going to answer that and then the three of us are going to continue this conversation." She then rose from her seat to go get said phone off the side table by the couch.

"I hope that's Derek." Desiree breathed as she pushed her plate away. "That will keep her busy fo awhile."

"Lets go find out." Sarah did the same with her plate as they entered the living room just in time to see their mother answer the phone.

"Who is it?" Desiree asked as she came closer to her mother who held out a finger to silence her.

"One moment please." Fran asked her caller as she turned to her daughters with worry. "It's Agent Hotchner." The only reason he would be calling would be an emergency and the thought of one of her boys being hurt had her heart clenching.

"Put it on Speaker." Sarah demanded, these were the kind of calls they used to fear receiving when her father was a cop. That had left a hole in their hearts when one did indeed give them the news they tried so deeply to avoid, the kind that they started worrying about again when Derek went into law enforcement.

"Alright Agent Hotchner," Fran set the phone in the middle of the table as she announced with a bit of difficulty that she was once again listening.

_"Mrs. Morgan I'm afraid this call is to inform you that Derek..."_

"I keep on telling him to quit that job!" Desiree shook her head covering her fear with anger. "What did he get himself into this time?"

"Desiree, shhh" Fran warned.

_" Mrs. Morgan...I've called to inform you that... Yesterday morning your son passed away."_

The gasp Desiree let out was near ear piercing as she dropped onto the couch.

"How? How! Who the hell killed my baby brother!" Sarah demanded answers as she tried to stay strong. Her mother had lost all color and was in disbelief if not shock and Desiree already had a face full of tears.

_"Spencer wouldn't allow a full autopsy to be performed but it was ruled natural causes, he died peacefully in his sleep."_

"Natural causes! There is nothing natural about my brother dieing you bastard!" Sarah nearly screamed as her lip started quivering and her eyes started to burn. How could he possibly consider her brothers death in any way shape or form a peaceful event?

"_The medical examiner believes he had a heart defect, it's likely to have been there since birth."_

"He had a bad heart? You're trying to tell me that over three decades of doctors visits and no one noticed a bad heart! I dont believe it!" She was screaming now and she honestly didn't care.

_"Derek was a good friend and I am genuinely sorry for your loss."_

"I bet you are!" Desiree wiped a hand across a wet cheek as she lifted the phone and tossed it with as much force as she could muster. She didn't want to listen to anything else he had to say and she didn't want to hear some fake sympathy from miles away.

"My baby" Fran whispered near brokenly.

"Momma" Sarah sat next to her mother as she tried absorbing everything. Moments ago they had been laughing and teasing each other completely unaware and now here they were learning that Derek had been long gone since before the jokes about him started.

"Mommy" Desiree pleaded near childishly as she put an arm around her mother. She didn't receive an answer but the tears that started flowing from her mothers once dry eyes kept hers a constant.

"It can't be true, Derek can't be..." Sarah let out a choking sob as she quit with the act and let her tears fall, there was no need to hide her pain when the other two were clearly too absorbed with their own to notice let alone care. "He can't be."

"Just shut up! Saying different wont make it anyless true!" Desiree shouted as she buried her face in her mothers shoulder.

Hearing her girls fight over their brother, their brothers death was tearing her heart to shreds. This pain had been one she hoped to leave in the past, yet it seemed to be greater than what she remembered and there was nothing she could do but put an arm over each of her daughters and pull them closer as she experienced it anew.

"Mom he's not really.. he can't really be... "Sarah begged as she put both arms around her mother extending them to hold Desiree as well.

She had no answers as she held her girls with no choice but to listen to the sobs and sniffles that were mixing with her own. "GOD WHY? WHY MY BABY!"

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><p><strong>EN: I'm depressed now and I feel like a bad person. Tissue anyone?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Nine**

It was something simple and familiar to concentrate on when nothing at the moment was as such.  
>The Dishes.<br>Crusty spaghettios and water that was a little warmer than necessary kept her in the here and now instead of wandering back to memories that seemed so distant but in all actuality were from only yesterday.

Her weekend had been interrupted by a phone call from Hotch with nothing more said than the group was to meet in an hour. Upon arrival she found Emily, Garcia, and Rossi just as curious as to why they were there and even more so with why Morgan and Reid who would usually be first had yet to arrive.

It was then, with the other two still nowhere in sight, that Hotch appeared and ushered three horrible, disgusting, horrific, utterly disasterous and life changing words.

Derek died yesterday.

Three plain ordinary little words yet when combined the devastation was worse than the after affects of a natural disaster.

Garcia had let out a near gurgled sob almost as if to warn before she all but crumbled in on herself falling to her knees. Emily sat next to Penelope on the floor with wide disbelieving eyes that eventually started to shimmer though she held tight to the tears. Rossi questioned things a bit more though he eventually joined the girls on the floor trying to calm Penelope, it was clear this action was to give him something to do as he, not as obviously, looked severely pained by the news as well.

JJ though, she found herself staring into icy eyes that just stared right back. Her first thought was of Spencer, how heartbroken he must be and how she wanted to do nothing more than hold him. That thought quickly brought her back to the times he visited looking for a comfort Derek just couldn't provide during Emilys "death". The death that left her a betrayer in his eyes, how could she offer security at a time like this without being a hypocrite?

Derek was dead and Spencer needed to mourn, he didn't need to question her motives. This thought brought her a complete other feeling of hurt but she didn't believe she deserved to show it. Hotch looked to have aged ten years since she had seen him Friday afternoon and a glance behind her showed the other three having a hard time with the news so she decided it best to just slip away. She left without a word said or a tear shed.

"Babe?" Will watched as his girlfriend scrubbed at a plate, her hands beat red and appearing to be near raw. She had come through the door to their home yesterday placing her keys down and announcing with the same casuality you would having got milk that Morgan was dead. Since then she had stayed almost completely silent and he couldn't think of any other reason than shock.

"Jen?" She didn't appear to have heard a thing as she continued to scrub at the plate that was obviously more than clean by now.

"Jennifer?" He touched her shoulder and she jumped immediately, the plate dropping into the sink with a loud clank as it shattered.

"It broke." She near whispered as she began lifting pieces with the vain thought of it being possibly mended. "You broke it."

"It's just a plate Darlin'." Will moved to grap her hands from the sink as she tightened her grip on a shard of glass that had him fearing she'd cut herself. She pulled away and kept attempting to lift the pieces that were now floating in the still running water.

Will attempted to lift a piece of his own figuring it better to clean the mess than fight with her and risk the chance of them both getting cut when his hand actually made contact with the water from the tap and he quickly pulled it back in shock and pain. His hand felt as if it had been lit on fire, the water near scalding it. "Are you trying to peel your skin right off?" He slammed his other hand down on the handle to shut it off as he pulled her away, already inspecting her fingers that were heated to the touch.

"You broke that plate." It was louder and more accusing as she looked at him with disbelief.

"The last thing I care about right now is the plate, it can be replaced, you can't!" His eyes were wide as she pulled her hands away in anger.

"No, no it can't!" She yelled. "You can try to find another one but it will never be the same as that one!"

"Jennifer it doesn't matter." She was clearly getting worked up and he knew it had to do with so much more than a broken dish.

"Yes it does. It's supposed to be strong and durable... it's supposed to last. It's not supposed to shatter and leave everything else to crumble with it! Unbreakable that's what it was supposed to be!" She began pacing as she ran wet hands through her hair.

"Baby you can't..."

"No Will don't you baby me! It's part of a set, they go together for a reason! One isn't supposed to exist without the rest. If you lose one then you might as well get rid of all of them!" It was like their team, or better yet what was left of it.

"That isn't true Jennifer, if there's no one left who will honor the fallen?" He tried to pull her into a hug but she just pushed him away.

"He didn't fall Will! We were partners, we were supposed to watch each others backs, how was I supposed to see this comin'! There was no Unsub, no guns, no knifes, no crazed psychos!" She wanted to hit something but she settled for pulling at the roots of her hair. "The last time I seen him he was happily drunk, we were all having a good time, how was I supposed to know he was going to go home and go to sleep never to wake again!"

"You weren't." Now they were getting to the root of things though it pained Will to see the hurt in her eyes. "There's no way you could have known somethin' bad was gonna happen."

"You know what the last thing I said to him was? The last chance I had to say anything of importance and you know what I said? I told him la'er, not even later! A slurred la'er, that was the last thing I said to him!" They had stumbled to her front door together and she had given him a half wave as she made sure he got back to the car. The last time she'd ever see him and she didn't even offer a real good bye.

"If I remember correctly the pair of you were laughing all the way to the door. I would have loved for me and my dads last moments to be like that Jen." He was sympathetic as he pulled her into an embrace that she actually accepted.

"Everyday I worry about staying safe in the field, about catching the killers so I can come home and be safe with my family."

"I know." He held her closer as he felt her begin to shake slightly.

"How do I do that now? He was at home, the one place your supposed to be safe. He was there with no obvious threat and yet he got snatched away just as easily. How am I supposed to feel safe when something like that could just as easily happen to me or you?" She whispered into his shoulder as her eyes began to burn.

"Nothing is going to happen to us Darlin', I'm here to stay with you and Henry."

"I'm sure he said the same thing to Spencer, there's no way to promise such things." The memory of Hotch saying he had died in his sleep had her trembling. "Can you imagine waking in the bed you shared with someone for five years to find that said someone dead?"

"My God" He breathed at the news. He hadn't received any details other than Morgans actual death and it was bothersome.

"This is going to ruin everything." A sole tear fell as she thought of all the changes that were sure to come. "Spence barely made it through everything that went down with Emily, this is going to destroy him."

"He's a strong person babe, and you need to be strong too." He rubbed her back, she thought of those men as brothers and he knew the upcoming weeks would be hard for all of them. "We'll make it through this and you'll see, the journey will make us better for it. Each and every one of us."

"I hope you're right." She clung to his neck as she buried her face in his shoulder. She couldn't imagine a tomorrow any brighter than today though she was sure it would come eventually, though she didn't know if that would be true for all.

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"How are you doing baby?" Came Frans soothing voice over the speaker of Spencers phone, he was sure she was in a pain of her own but he greatly appreciated the small comfort she was providing.

"I don't think I can give you any kind of answer that would accurately describe my emotional health at the moment." He sighed as he wiped at his tired eyes. He had yet to sleep, the events of what happened the last time he went to bed having him scared to close his eyes.

"I feel the same honey, I feel the same." She had thought she had gotten a wrap on her emotions but that morning proved her wrong as she passed a picture of her son and she reduced to a ball of tears.

"I'm sorry that I didn't . . . that I didn't call to tell you personally. It's just . . . I've"

"I understand Spencer." Fran saved him from the explanation that would do nothing more than churn up fresh tears. "I'm sorry that I couldn't make it out to be with you."

"No, I . . . the body's being shipped tonight and we'll be arriving tomorrow afternoon." He avoided Dereks name trying to distance the idea of him being nothing more than a corpse.

"I can't thank you..." She sniffled as the emotion of his decisions washed over her. "enough for. . . for deciding to bury him out here."

"Neither of us have any actual family in Virginia and I think Derek would want to be close to his father." Fran had given up the burial plot next to her husband, Dereks final resting spot would be beside his father.

"You just remember that you always have family here in Chicago Spencer." The boy had touched her heart in so many ways that there was no way she wouldn't always consider him as a son.

"Mrs. Morgan?" Spencer barely whispered as he stared at their open closest, he had avoided the bedroom at all costs and only now was he there because the task at hand couldn't be put off.

"Yes" The fear in his voice had her just as scared.

"How do I . . ." He cleared his throat as he tried to get the words out. "How did you go about . . . how did you know what to bury your husband in?"

"He was buried in his uniform." She offered stiffly, she could only imagine him standing in the same place she had years ago. Though she doubted he had thrown all the clothes out of the closest landing ontop of them in a sniffling heap.

"Uniform" He laughed out the word. "His uniform" The laughter turned near hysteric as it turned to sobs.

"Spencer... Baby don't cry." She chastised as she wiped tears from her own cheeks. "Please don't cry."

"How . . . how. . . how do I . .. how do I choose what. . ." He had ended up sitting in the bottom of the closest sniffling as he toyed with the lace to one of Dereks boots.

"Baby, you look through all them memories that I know have been replayin' in your mind like a bad marathon and you pull out the ones that make you smile." She had her own going but hers started with a little boy chasing his sister around the park and continued on to a handsome young man kissing his husband on her front porch under the mistletoe as she took pictures from the window on Christmas. The smile was a stark contrast to the tears that still raced down her face. "You take a good long look through those and then you find the outfit that brings back just as many of those good times."

"The Good times." It was hard to believe those ever existed but the longer he thought the clearer his answer became. He knew what he needed to pack and it sure wouldn't be some stuffy suit Derek always grumbled about wearing. He'd make sure Derek went out with his boots on literally, he'd just have to find the other one first as it wasn't anywhere near where the first had been.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Can Derek really go out any other way? Of course he's gonna have his boots on! As for him being in Chicago I couldn't imagine him being anywhere else. I believe we'll see more of the others in the next chapter! Hope you enjoyed!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Ten**

**Tuesday Afternoon**

"Do you need help with that?" Rossi offered Garcia who was clearly becoming more flustered by the minute.

"Would you?" She stepped back from the baggage claim as Rossi easily took hold of her bag. The bereau had refused the use of the jet for their flight to Chicago, the FBI saying that the funeral of a fallen agent that wasn't being honored in a special service didn't fit in with the budget. As if Morgan being a servant of the law for near two decades didn't earn him some lee-way in their eyes just because his husband had opted out of the usual funeral that would be held for a law enforcement officer.

"Did you see which way Aaron went?" Rossi asked as he placed his carry on ontop of Garcias suitcase which he was pulling, being as careful as ever not to crush the suit he'd be wearing the next day. He had accompanied them both, Spencer being the only other one to pack actual luggage, to the baggage claim but now mentioning Spencer he was no where in sight.

"Car rental. I believe we're supposed to meet out front." Garcia too was looking around for Reid but spotted nothing, not even someone with similarities.

"Yes you were." Emily agreed as she walked up behind them slinging an arm over Penelopes shoulders. "Are we ready to go?"

"Reid is M.I.A." Rossi was still looking around but came up with nothing. Normally he'd say leave the kid, that way he'd learn a lesson on fooling around but under this certain set of circumstances he was worried. The man he had seen on the plane was not the same one that had left work Friday evening and it was disturbing. His eyes were near identical to those of a racoon, appearing blood shot and the rest of him only seemed worse.

"He's out front with Morgans mom." Emily spoke quietly as she remembered the tear jerking hug Fran had delivered to him. "They already left."

"Well then we better get going too." Rossi interrupted any more that Emily could have said as he lead them both to the exit, they did not need Garcia to breakdown in the airport as well. She had insisted on having the seat next to Spencers on the plane and her first look at him had her in tears for near half of the trip.

"All set?" Hotch asked Rossi as he opened the trunk for Garcias bag.

Nodding his head Rossi glanced at JJ who had been nearly as silent as Reid wondering why she hadn't had Will come with her. "Did you get the hotel yet?"

"Yes, we'll have just enough time to get there and get dressed before we need to be at the funeral home."

"I thought the service was tomorrow?" Emily questioned as she had overheard while coming to the other side.

"The burial is tomorrow, after which Mrs. Morgans house will be open for guests. The wake will be held tonight." Those were the facts and he spoke them as such without emotion or feeling.

"Well then we'd better not be late." Emily sighed as she opened her door and got in, if only it were as easy as attending the service and being done with it.

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**The Wake**

"Agent Hotchner." Sarah greeted solemnly as he walked through the doors of the funeral parlor, feeling the slightest bit ashamed for having called him a bastard.

"Sarah," Hotch nodded to the woman that was standing completely in black, much like himself.

Penelope automatically offered a bone crushing hug not paying the slightest attention to the black rose in her hair that could possibly be poking Sarah in the face. "I'm sorry."

"Well you didn't kill him." Desiree spoke up as she came from the room their service was currently occupying.

"Desiree!" Sarah chastised as she turned back to the group. "It's nice to see all of you again, I'm just sorry it had to be under such circumstances." The last time they had all been together was at her brothers wedding.

"As am I." Rossi agreed as they parted leaving the girls to speak with the others arriving.

"Mrs. Morgan." Garcia smiled sadly as she offered another hug to the woman she had yet to see. The other guests Fran had been speaking to left but it had only been distant relatives that hadn't even seemed to know that Derek was married and she was thankful for the interruption. Them finding out he had a husband steered the topic straight toward religion and if they would have even as much as dared suggesting her baby was going to hell she surely would have snapped.

"I'm glad you all could make it." They nodded as much though the one she was sure to be Jennifer quickly left the group, stopping a few rows up to find Spencer sitting by himself.

"Spence?" JJ patted his knee as he was staring at his shoes, he was in complete black from his silken tie down to his socks though further inspection showed one sock to actually be navy blue.

He attempted a smile as she grabbed his fingers and squeezed. "Do you think there's any way I could get out of being here?"

That caused her to laugh slightly as she gave a weak smile of her own. "I think it goes against proper etiquette for the spouse to be absent."

"I could try, it's not like my absence is of much use anyway." He had dropped off the outfit for Derek, gone back to Frans to get dressed and since his arrival had been sitting there and no one had yet to approach him.

Watching as Garcia made her way to the open casket she waited knowing what would come, moments later she leaned down for a kiss tears glistening when she turned back around and her face was in view. "Have you.." She indicated torward Garcia. "Did you already. . . "

"I haven't seen him yet." Spencer answered as he held JJs hand tighter. "I've been avoiding going up there, I guess you'd say I'm scared."

"Do you want. . ." JJ wasn't sure if she was ready for this herself but it was something she needed. "Do you want to go with me?"

He glanced ahead, back to her, and back again before he slowly stood. They made their way to the casket still holding hands stopping right before you could really see anything. She didn't want to look, didn't want to see for her own eyes that he was actually in there and not just some weights, but Spencer squeezed her hand again and together they moved closer.

Lying completely still Derek truly looked to be sleeping, and she had the sudden urge to try to wake him but she was sure it wouldn't work. "The clothes are very fitting." She understood why Garcia had teared up now, she wanted to do the same.

Done in classic Derek Morgan style was a plain white T-shirt and dark wash Jeans. His ever present boots and the leather Jacket that always told you he meant business but under the collar of that jacket was what spoke the loudest to her, Spencers purple scarf.

"He looks. . ." Spencer nodded as he felt his throat swelling, he wanted Derek to have something of his that meant something and other than his wedding band the only thing he could think of that Derek regarded with value was that dumb scarf.

"He does." JJ didn't need the words to find the meaning as she watched Spencer run his thumb over Dereks cheekbone placing a chaste kiss in the same place. "You really do." She whispered as she offered another to the other side, sure she hadn't been as close with him as some of the others but that didn't mean she didn't care just as much.

Even though Derek had never been a strong believer in God Mrs. Morgan had still invited a priest to speak and they moved to take their seats with the rest of the group as he started calling for everyones attention. He had gone through with his prayers and had just invited anyone who wished to say a few things up when JJ realized she did, but she wasn't about to go up there alone. So eventually she, Emily and even Garcia with a little coaxing moved to the front to have their thoughts be heard.

"Derek was a complete ladies man,"JJ started off. " That was one of the first things I learned about him when I met him but it was always in a charming way that would make you feel good about yourself by the end of it." She turned toward the other two offering them a chance, she had things she wanted to say but it was only fair they be given the same chance.

"He was a complete gentleman, and it showed in everything he did." Emily continued as she became more comfortable with all eyes on them. "He was a man of nicknames and you knew you were special if you received one from him."

"He had a few dozen for me but the one I'll probably hold closest and miss hearing the most is baby girl." Garcia cleared her throat to rid the shake as she realized she would never hear him say such a thing again. "I got to be his baby girl and for that I consider myself very lucky."

"He had his pretty boy, his baby girl, but I think Emily here got the best of the lot." JJ pointed to Emily who was standing in the middle of their little group.

"I was dubbed Princess." Emily smiled faintly at Reid who even now seemed embarassed as others looked at why Derek would have called him pretty. " Derek held others with the greatest amount of respect and though I received the title he treated each and every one of his friends as royalty."

Rossi was next though his was kind of an accident, he had been moving out of the aisle to let the girls back in and the priest thought his standing was a form of volunteering.

"I wasn't as privileged to know Derek as long as some of you others were but I can tell you in the time we did spend together I learned a thing or two. He saw me not as a legend in our choosen field, not as an author, Hell I don't even think he read my books." Why that was on his mind he didn't know but oh well. "He saw me as a person, judged me as one and for that I respect him. He was a good man, a good friend and for that he'll be missed."

Fran had asked one of the girls to speak for their brother and to no ones surprise Desiree refused leaving Sarah the task though she didn't seem to burdened by it.

As Spencer listened to her stories of when they were younger and how he might have been a jerk at times, but was always there when she needed him and how she started tearing up as she told them how much she loved and would miss him he realized he needed to say a few things himself.

Rising from his chair Spencer headed to the front of the room trying to avoid the fresh tears that threatened to fall as he walked past Dereks casket.

Clearing his throat he started shakily, "Derek was a good man, he was generous and loving with his family and friends as I'm sure you all know. Most of you will remember him as strong and determined, and he was, but I'd like to tell you about the side I was fortunate enough to see.  
>His softer more vulnerable one.<br>The one that made him the person I loved enough to marry, the one I will love until the day I die.  
>You know I've never believed in God but now I really hope there is some kind of after life so that maybe one day we can be together again." Wiping at his eye and clearing his throat again Spencer tried to reel in his emotions before he continued.<p>

"Our first winter together I was getting ready for bed and he was cleaning up the kitchen. The heater had gone out so I was going to the hall closet to pull down extra blankets, I found him chasing Clooney around the living room with a pair of doggie pajamas." He smiled slightly at the half hearted laughs. "I tried explaining how Clooneys fur was more than insulated enough for the weather but with one look he had me not only helping put on the pajamas, but pulling down an extra blanket to cover the floor.

He wanted to make sure the dog would be warm enough before he'd come to bed, That's just how big his heart was.

He was considerate too, I caught him pulling socks off my feet one morning and I had to ask what he was doing. You see the night before I hadn't been wearing any.

He said that my feet were ice and I kept on sticking them on his legs, that his Grandmother had once told him if your feet were frozen that the rest of your body wouldn't be warm so he had gotten a pair to remedy that." Memories of the little things Derek used to do had him wishing he had shown more appreciation. "When I asked him why he hadn't just woke me he said that he wasn't going to interrupt my sleep when the whole purpose of the socks was so I could sleep peacefully.

That was about three years ago, I thought he quit because he was embarassed I called him out on it but a few weeks ago I woke before him and there on my feet were a pair of his socks, mismatched may I add." Seeing Garcia smiling through a face full of tears was making it hard to continue but he wanted them all to know exactly who his husband was.

"Knowing that he cared enough to do such a thing it's . . . it's . . . I know it sounds silly but that was better than any present he could have given me." Making sure he caught Frans eye and attention he went on, "Derek has always been very family oriented and over the past year we have been talking about starting one of our own.

Mrs. Morgan we were going to tell you on our next visit that you were finally going to get those grandbabies you've been begging for. Derek would have been a wonderful father and I think that's what hurts the most, knowing that he had so much love to offer and not enough time to use even half of it." He felt a little bad that Fran who had been pretty stoic throughout the night was now close to sobbing.

"I just wanted all of you to know that he could be more than that playful clown he portrayed himself as. He was my best friend, my world and I know all of you are feeling this loss but I lost everything because that's exactly what he was to me. My everything."

Not caring about clearing the fresh tears from his face he hurriedly continued, "I appreciate everyones presence and I'm glad you could all make it to say good-bye."

They watched as he offered a last thank you before he excused himself completely and left the room. "Do you think someone should go after him?" Emily leaned over Rossi to ask Hotch, it was clear Reid was holding on to what little composure he had and she wasn't sure if they should let him be on his own.

"You heard him Emily," Rossi decided to answer for Aaron as he dealt with two crying woman to his left. Frans tears were more than understandable and he was sure Penelope had just started what would be a strenuous grieving process. "He's not only grieving the loss of his husband, he has to mourn what could have been too and It'd probably be best for now if we give him the space to do that." He could only imagine how much worse things would be for him when that casket was lowered into the ground tomorrow and the full weight of Dereks death was placed on Spencers shoulders.

Emily reluctantly agreed as she barely listened to the man that was currently standing at the podium. The way Rossi spoke those words had her believing he had personal experience and as much as she wanted to make sure Spencer wasn't balling in a bathroom somewhere she wanted to help him more. She didn't have a clue as to what she'd say to him right now so she stayed in her seat promising herself that she'd be his shoulder to cry on in the darkened days to come.

* * *

><p><strong>EN: Next chapter we will have made it back to where we started, the prologue. After that there will be a few more chapters but the epilogue is in sight, happy was clearly thrown out of the window long ago but I'm going to try my darnedest to have an ending that isn't as depressing as these other chapters have been. Hope you enjoyed! Thanks to all of you readers and reviewers, you keep me motivated!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Eleven**

_If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you_.(Winnie the Pooh)

_Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal._(Anon.)

**Funeral**

The day was a perfect representation of Spring, birds singing, flowers opening to enjoy the rain that had drizzled down upon them the night before. The sun was starting to make itself known but there was no way its rays could brighten the spirits of those down below.

Aaron Hotchner, David Rossi, Emily Prentiss, Spencer Reid, Uncle Mike, and Antonio Zavala were carrying the full weight of that days grief as they made their way past the other headstones and to the one that would mark their fallens final resting place.

_"Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death?"_

JJ began reading as the casket was set down and friends and family gathered around it bowing their heads in respect as they listened.

_"We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life. If we have been united with him like this in his death, we will certainly also be united with him in his resurrection. For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin- because anyone who has died has been freed from sin. Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him."_

She nodded her head to Fran as she watched others lie roses on Dereks coffin, offering their last good byes as the next reading started.

_"For everything there is a season,_  
><em>And a time for every matter under heaven:<em>

_A Time to be born, and a time to die;_  
><em>A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;<em>  
><em>A time to kill, and a time to heal;<em>

_A time to break down, and a time to build up;_  
><em>A time to weep, and a time to laugh;<em>

_A time to mourn, and a time to dance;_  
><em>A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;<em>

_A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;_  
><em>A time to seek, and a time to lose;<em>

_A time to keep, and a time to throw away;_  
><em>A time to tear, and a time to sew;<em>

_A time to keep silence, and time to speak;_  
><em>A time to live, and a time to hate,<em>

_A time for war, and a time for peace_

I believe that Derek was needed up above, that God has a greater purpose for him to serve so for now this is our time to say farewell.  
>So long but not good bye because there will come a time when we'll be reunited again."<p>

Emily had been asked to do a reading of her own but steered away from a bible verse, choosing something that portrayed her feelings on the situation instead.

"_We little knew that morning that God was going to call your name._  
><em>In life we loved you dearly, in death we do the same.<em>  
><em>It broke our hearts to lose you, you did not go alone;<em>  
><em>for part of us went with you the day God called you home.<em>  
><em>You left us peaceful memories, your love is still our guide,<em>  
><em>and though we cannot see you, you are always by our side.<em>  
><em>Our family chain is broken and nothing seems the same,<em>  
><em>but as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again."<em>

"This little one is called Safely Home and I'd like to read it on behalf of Big D." Antonio had known Derek since the third grade and it was hard to believe that after three decades of raisin' kane together he'd be left on his own.

" _I am home in heaven, dear ones; oh, so happy and so bright!_  
><em>There is a perfect joy and beauty in the everlasting light.<em>  
><em>All the pain and grief is over, every restless tossing passed;<em>  
><em>I am now at peace forever, safely home in heaven at last.<em>  
><em>There is work still waiting for you, so you must not idly stand,<em>  
><em>do it now, while life remaineth– you shall rest in God's own land.<em>  
><em>When that work is all completed, He will gently call you home;<em>  
><em>oh, the rapture of that meeting oh, the joy to see you come!<em>

I know for a fact that Derek would tell us right now to get up and get over it. I'd probably be right behind him with it but since he isn't here to say as much and no one actually listens to me I wont. Instead I ask that as you leave today you remember to spend it to the fullest, and tomorrow as well because if anything will be learned from this it is that life is limited and it's best not to waste what we have left. We thank you for coming and hopefully we'll see you back at Mama Morgans." There was supposed to be another reading after his but he was doing them all a favor by cutting it off right there. The tears were starting to flow from people again and he could almost here Derek yelling, _Tone get this movin' before Greta pops out the tissues, _and he was a little late cause she already had.

"Anton,"Fran shook her head as nearly everyone moved to leave and he pulled her into a hug. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Ahh, we'll figure it out." He let her go as she stared back over to the casket. "I'm sure I can find a thing or two ta' keep us busy."

"That's what I'm worried about."When Derek and Antonio got together it was nothing but double trouble.

"Come on I'll take you home, we've got to get there before Aunt Greta starts the water works." He patted Dereks casket as Fran kissed it and they moved to leave the quickly emptying cemetery.

"Well that was. . ." Rossi stopped to look for the word he wanted.

"Quick" JJ offered, as she glanced around to see the empty grounds. It was only her team and Morgans sisters left but she guessed those were the only people that really needed to be there and it wasn't as if sticking around was going to change anything.

Desiree watched as Sarah stood with her head bowed over their fathers grave. She removed one white rose from Dereks casket moving to join her sister. "Daddy," She knelt down to place the flower in front of his grave. "you do us a favor and watch out for him. . . " Sarah pulled her closer as she bit her lip to keep it from trembling. "cause God knows he's no good at doin' it himself."

"Lets go." Sarah wiped her eyes as she pulled Desiree with her to leave. They'd make it through and with another gurdian angel watching out for them.

"Spence?" JJ was worried, as far as she knew he hadn't said a word to anyone since yesterday and his eyes were absent of any real life as he stared off to something she couldn't see.

"Come on Jen," Rossi started off towards the car making sure to take the long way around.

She wanted to protest but instead she followed. The day her sister was buried her mother sat by her grave for five hours and she could understand the need for a little more time.  
>Spencer would leave when he was ready or he'd be like her mother and have to be dragged away but one thing was for certain he'd have to do it his way.<p>

Aaron stood guard over Penelope and Spencer as Emily eventually left too and it was just the three of them. He wouldn't rush their good byes, he'd wait just like the men who had been hired to lower the body although he'd be more patient about it.

_Our beloved brother, son, husband, and friend_

_Derek Morgan_

_June 6, 1973 - April 28, 2012_

Hotch had probably read it twenty times over before Penelope moved to join him, running her fingers over the casket one last time.

They watched as two men moved to begin lowering the coffin, clearing the flowers that would later be placed atop the fresh grave.

"Can't they wait?" Garcia sniffled as she watched Spencer back up some to allow them room to work.

"They've been waiting for two hours now, I doubt Reid even notices." He might not like it but everyone had a job to do and he wouldn't guilt these two men for doing theirs.

"Well than I'm going to get him, he doesn't need to see this." Garcia didn't even make it a step before she was stopped.

"Yes," Hotch watched the casket begin to lower into the ground and with it Spencers walls. "he does. Later on he's going to try hopelessly to convince himself this was all some kind of a nightmare and this will be his proof that it happened and he just has to accept it. It'll help him to start moving forward."

"I can't watch this." Garcias tears began flowing harshly as she watched Spencer drop to his knees. She was no more than ten feet away from him but felt as useless as she would be if they were miles apart.

Hotch just watched, seeing Spencers tears shine like glitter. He had to remind himself he was doing the right thing as a sob broke from Garcia and Spencer seemed to crumble more. Spencer was on his knees right now physically and metaphorically and as much as Hotch wanted to help him back up he knew he couldn't force him to stand until he was ready.

It was another five minutes of hearing them both cry and watching the hole be covered by plank board until it would be filled before Hotch decided that he might need to say something. As soon as the thought crossed his mind though Spencer was pushing himself up, nearly falling as he did so and taking off faster than he'd ever seen the man run before.

Garcia wiped at her face as she willed herself to stop with the tears. "I think I'll go after him." No way was she going to leave her friend alone when he was hurting so much, it wouldn't be right and it wouldn't be safe.

"No, I'll go. Haley and I weren't married when she died, but I think I can relate best to losing a spouse." That was not something he wanted anyone he cared about to have in common with him but he'd try to share what he had learned from the experience.

She watched as Hotch took off after Spencer, following some to keep them in her sight. She couldn't make out the words being said but she could tell they were angry, she continued watching seeing that his mood changed from angry to broken as he stood.

Her tears started again as Hotch pulled Reid in for a hug showing some of the hurt that he had been stoically hiding. "Derek Morgan," She growled as she turned back to his grave. "you're lucky I love you so much or right now I'd be finding a way to get up there to kick your ass for all this trouble you've caused."

* * *

><p><strong>EN: So I decided to give you something fresh on this instead of a re-read, so there goes Garcias point of view on Reid and Hotchs little talk.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Twelve**

"Are we picking Reid up or is he meeting us at the airport?" Emily questioned as she tossed her bag into the back, Hotch doing the same and closing the hatch soon after.

"We're going over there, we were invited for breakfast." He had tried politely declining the invitation, already feeling as if they had imposed enough the night before, but it was near impossible to say no to the woman and he didn't want to upset her right now.

"That should be good." Emily smiled remembering the vast amount of times she had heard Morgan bragging about his mothers cooking, she could nearly hear him even now.

"Are you guys coming?" Rossi's voice carried back from the passengers side opened window, it was unusually hot for the beginning of May and he did not enjoy sitting in a car that seemed to draw all the suns attention.

"Right now" Emily breathed out as she got in the back with the girls, like he had never made them wait.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

"Hi" Reid waved awkwardly at his team as they entered the door he had just opened. Garcia gave him a hug and JJ offered a wave in return as she smiled back, no one mentioned that he was still in pajamas or how he obviously hadn't combed his hair.

"You go on in the kitchen and help yourselves." Fran was looking way to cheery and the pep that was in her step was almost scary.

"Thank you ma'am" JJ nodded as she grabbed Spencers arm and pulled him with, too worried about what the outcome would be if she declined. "Spencer is she alright?"

"She's coping." He shrugged as he pulled a blueberry muffin from the counter.

"With Betty Crocker?" Emily wondered as she came up behind them. Every surface of the kitchen had food covering it, most some form of pastry including a pie.

"There's eggs and bacon in the oven staying warm, biscuits are in the microwave." Emily nearly dropped her cookie with how quick Fran had appeared, the woman was all stealth as she moved to the cabinet to pull down plates. "I didn't make oatmeal cause that isn't really something that you can keep warm but if anyone wants I will."

"This is more than enough." Rossi just sat at the table with Garcia watching as Fran collected glasses and eating utensils, he had a feeling one wrong word to the woman who seemed to be trying impossibly hard would have her in tears. The kitchen was proof enough of that, there was enough food in there to suggest she had been cooking all night yet the kitchen didn't show any signs of use and was nearly sparkling.

"So what's everyone been up to?" Fran sat at the table once she had found everyone else a spot and made sure they each had at least a plates worth though she hadn't made herself one. "I haven't heard anything since Christmas. What about the lil' ones?"

"Well," The ball obviously fell into her court as the others didn't have kids and unbelievingly Hotch had quickly stuffed his mouth full. "Henry's talking up a storm now, he was a little behind with his first words but now I can't get a minute of silence. He just runs through the house blabberin' away and it leaves me wondering why I was ever worried about him being shy." Will joked that they need a curtain climber to match their little motor mouth.

"That's good. My three were just like their daddy, never quiet, sometimes I swear they were born talkin'." She smiled and everyone relaxed knowing the topic of children wouldn't bring up the pain of losing one of hers.

"Sounds like Jack." Garcia looked to Hotch.

"Are you saying I'm never quiet?" Hotch raised an eyebrow as he set down his fork.

"She's saying he's just like you." Rossi cut through what Aaron was trying to portray as stern. "The kid's a ball of seriousness."

"He is not, and mentioning balls did someone forget soccer season?"

"No," He didn't forget, maybe just let it slip his mind. Whether he'd admit it or not he was gettin' up there and running around with a bunch of seven and eight year olds wasn't easy on the knees.

"Well then I'll see you at next weekends game." It wasn't a question so there was no need for an answer.

"I'll probably be there too." If asked Emily'd say it was to show support but in all reality her weekend was pathetically empty.

"What about you Penelope, what have you been up to lately?" Fran moved to keep the conversation flowing as things sort of hit a bump.

"Umm," What had she been doing? The looks she got for her pause had her hurrying to speak. "The usual, you know work. . . and stuff."

"Of course, you have work to be getting back to." And suddenly Fran was pulling plates from people. "Silly of me to be keeping you here and waisting your precious time." Emily didn't even get a sip from her coffee as the mug was pulled from her lips.

"They aren't expected back until tomorrow Fran." Reid was up and over to the sink where she was placing dishes still full of food inside.

"Yeah but when Derek got that call he had to go and it would probably be better if they were back in D.C. when it comes." She didn't bother with an if, she knew it would.

"Alright, can you just. . ." He nodded over his shoulder and she took the hint.

"Thank you for the meal." Emily offered, the others chorusing as much as Fran left the kitchen.

"If you want you can make another plate." Spencer suggested to the five that hadn't really gotten to eat as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Actually we'll have to be leaving soon if we're to catch our flight." Hotch checked his watch to see they really didn't have much time for delays.

"Yeah kid," Rossi flinched at his own word as he saw Reid squirm the slightest. "go get dressed so we can go."

"I'm" He set his mug down as he glanced at his feet for a minute, collecting his nerve as he glanced back up at them. "I'm not going."

"What do you..." Garcia started but was cut off by Hotch.

"Do you know how much time you want to take? I believe you have two weeks coming to you before it'll start cutting into personal days." He could understand wanting a few days off of work, it would probably be better then him trying to drown himself in it.

"I'm not taking personal days." He was having a hard time looking at their faces as things sunk in but he stayed strong.

"Spence?" No way was she hearing him correctly so she moved closer to rid herself of the absurd idea. "What are you saying?"

"I'm not going back."

"What do you mean you're not going back, to work or to Virginia?" Emily also stood being the only one to have stayed sitting.

" Either, there's nothing there for me anymore."

"We're there." Garcia whispered as she tried avoiding tears. "You can't just not come back."

"You can't quit the BAU," Rossi had not seen this coming, the kid lived to work. "I understand that things aren't easy right now but running away wont solve anything."

"I'm not running." It had been a hard decision but he knew it was the right one, there was no way he could even start to rebuild a life void of Derek in Virginia.

"The hell you aren't!" It was JJ that let the anger show, she wouldn't accept him trying to cut ties like this, to isolate himself. "You've spent near half of your life in Virginia, just because Dereks gone does not mean you are!"

"JJ" Emily was shocked, that had been to far.

"You don't think I don't know that." Reid spoke coldly but quietly, he could feel tears but he wouldn't allow them to fall. "Why do you think I don't want to go back? Every desk, every hallway, every elevator ride, they're all going to be filled with memories. Memories that I'm going to want to stay in, to allow myself to be dragged into, and what kind of life would that be. I'm going to try to hold onto the past instead of embracing the future.

This isn't some rash decision, Derek and I had plans for the future and sorry to tell you this but the BAU wasn't one of them." He hadn't known when they were talking about it but now he could honestly say he wouldn't have left his family to chase cases either. "We weren't going to be there much longer and this is me just bumping things up a little bit.

You can look at it which ever way you want but I'm not hiding, I'm not afraid to go back, I'm finding the strength to move forward, to continue on."

"Are you sure?" Garcia was in tears now as she squashed him into the biggest hug she could manage.

"Positive." Though they were making it harder for him to stay strong as they questioned him.

"You take care of yourself." Rossi gave him a hug of his own as he kissed his cheek. He might not have believed him but a man could only do what he thought right and who was he to judge that.

"What about all of your things?" Emily asked as she avoided the real question she wanted to ask, it wouldn't change anything.

"I'll hire someone." He shrugged it off.

"We'll do it." Garcia offered up her and Emilys help.

"Yeah, no problem." Emily didn't give a hug as much as she was given one, a rather tight one may she add.

"What about Clooney?" JJ spoke carefully, she felt bad for what she had said. The dog was in her backyard at the moment though and she needed to know what she was supposed to do with him.

"Will you send him out?" There was no way he wouldn't keep Dereks dog, if he tried getting rid of him Derek would surely find a way back from the dead just to kill him.

"Of course." He pulled her into a hug and she nearly broke down when he said there was no way he could stay mad at his sister.

"You better call." Emily spoke threateningly. "And skype, lots and lots of skyping." Garcia added.

"We've got to go." Hotch spoke sternly as the others said their last good byes before leaving the Morgan home reluctantly.

"It's just something I have to do." Spencer couldn't take the silence and the stare.

"I understand." Unfortunately Hotch did. "If you ever need anything ..."

"I'll call." Reid assured as he and his boss, well former boss, moved toward the door.

"Anything at all, and if you change your mind..."

"I wont."

"Well if you do, I don't care if it's in a week or in a year you call me, as long as I have a team you'll have a spot on it." He honestly hadn't imagined going home without Reid. Now he was officially the last left of what had been their original team, Gideon M.I.A, Morgan dead, Reid done, and it left him feeling somehow empty.

"Thank you" He watched Hotch start out the door and was about to close it when it was pushed back open and he was enveloped in a crushing embrace.

"You do as Dave says and watch out for yourself." This man had been an everyday presence in his life for over a decade and he would easily call him a brother, if not a son so he honestly didn't care if his image was taking a blow by this rare display.

"I will." He received one last squeeze and a pat to the back before Hotch pulled away. He was too stunned by this to pay much attention to the extra shine in the older mans eyes.

"You make sure you do, and you watch out for her too." Hotch waved at Fran who was just now coming back from her room and with that he was gone.

"Shouldn't you be going with them?" She had made sure he was all good and packed the night before.

"I was thinking that maybe I'd stay a little longer." Spencer closed the door as Fran sat on the couch.

"You can stay as long as you like." She was glad to hear she wouldn't be left on her own so soon, she had taken leave but her daughters decided to keep working right on through.

"Not too long, maybe just a month or two." He sat on the couch with her and the smile he offered only brightened hers.

**Three Weeks Later**

"Look at his big ol' head!" Desiree pointed out one of the pictures her mother had been gushing over. "How can you honestly say he was the cutest little boy you'd ever seen?"

The whole family was spread out in the living room, including clooney, looking at scrap books and Desiree and Sarah were back to taunting and teasing their brother like he was right there with 'em.

"You leave your brother alone, he was a fine looking boy." Fran chastised as she flipped through the first book she had put together for him. "See Spencer, this was the one I was telling you about." She pointed out a Derek that couldn't be more than seven smiling brightly and missing his front teeth.

"Oh I remember that!" Sarah had started laughing uncontrollably.

"Did he lose them naturally?" Spencer was smiling at a boy that had a dorky grin plastered ear to ear.

"He .. He.." Sarah calmed herself enough so she could manage the story. "He was jumpin' on the couch and fell off the back face first."

Spencer felt bad, well the slightest bit bad as he laughed at the image that had conjured. "He knocked them both out?"

"No I pulled the other." Fran herself laughed a little at the memory.

"And he cried like a little girl."

"You are horrible." What to do with her daughters was the question of the century.

"Naaa, he knows I love him." Sarah shrugged it off easily, it was the way they had always been and she was missing the jabs he would be sending back her way right now.

"Phone!" Desiree sung out as she came back into the room with Spencers ringing cell.

"It's probably Garcia." Spencer answered, she was the only one that really called him anymore, well at least so religously.

"Well in that case," Desiree ignored the hand that was held out expectantly as she flipped the device open.

"Hey!"

"Nope, you want to really be part of the family you'll get treated like part of the family."

"Sarah gave Derek no privacy and he didn't give Desi any, she's taken you as a little brother so she's returning the favor." Fran explained.

"I'm an only child." He protested.

"Not anymore" Desiree teased before actually paying attention to who was on the line. "Dr. Spencer Reids phone, how may I help you?"

"He doesn't need a secretary." Sarah rolled her eyes at the peppy voice her sister had just sing songed in.

"It's for you."

"Well of course it is." He tried getting his phone again but she wouldn't give it so eventually he gave in and she put it on speaker. "Hello?"

_"Dr. Reid?"_

"This is he. Who is this?"

_"Sam, I was just calling to see if you two were still interested in going through our agency. I've had quite a few good cases come across my desk this month and right now I'm looking at a file that fit what you two asked for to the T. We've got a teenage pregnancy due in August and though she's been a little hesitant she saw your profile and wants to set up a meeting."_

He was speechless, his heart had literally sunk. The girls weren't looking to be much better off.

"Dr. Reid?"

"Ummm, yeah. ... yes." He cleared his throat trying to gain some calm.

"_Are you interested? I can have a meeting set up as early as next week."  
><em>  
>"Next week?" It wasn't sinking in, a month. Their baby shows a month after he.. .<p>

_"Possibly earlier."  
><em>  
>"Do you know. . ." The lump in his throat was growing by the second and words were becoming difficult. "Do you know what she's having?"<p>

_"I'm not authorized to say."  
><em>  
>"Please, I just... I just have to know."<p>

_"It's a little girl."  
><em>  
>"A little girl." He tried, he really did but he couldn't control the sob that broke free.<p>

"_Dr. Reid are you all right?"  
><em>  
>"I'm ... Is she set on a couple?" He didn't think he was ready for a child but how could he pass up an opportunity that might not present itself again.<p>

"_That's why you're on the top of her list right now, she wants her baby to have the stability your marriage would offer. I know for a fact she's already had her heart set on another couple but later turned down the woman after they split. So can I count on seeing you and Derek Wednesday, She's pretty eager on meeting you and I'm pretty sure you're a foot in."_

"And if I wanted to continue on solo?" Fran moved to sit with him and he accepted her hand as Desi sat on his other side still holding the phone.

"_I'd have to create you a new profile but you wouldn't be eligible for this case, she's set on a married couple. Is there a reason you're asking?"_

"No Sam," The little girl had never been his but now he felt as if he was losing her too.

_"Alright then, so how about next Wednesday?"_

"Can you do me a favor?" He had honestly thought the tears were done but he could feel all the progress he had made over these last few weeks vanishing.

"_I can sure try."_

"Pull our profile," She tried to question it but he just continued on. "and please don't call back."

"I'm sorry." Desiree hung up his phone feeling somehow responsible for the situation.

"It's not your fault." He wanted to get up, to take a minute to try to pull himself together but Sarah had moved to sit in front of him and he was completely boxed in.

"Are you alright baby?" He nodded his head yes but even as he did so it was obvious that he wasn't so Fran pulled himself into a hug.

"We would've had a little girl." He was crying sincerely now, had made Fran do the same but he didn't really care.

It was hard news to take and the girls didn't think any words could possibly begin to make things alright at the moment so they didn't say anything. Instead they joined the hug, offering the newest member of their family comfort and taking some in return.

It was going to take some time to get over this newest blow but for the night the solution would be four squeezed onto a tiny couch with a few pints of ice cream and some I Love Lucy reruns.


	14. Chapter 14

**Epilogue**

June 6th, 2017

It had been five years since Dereks death.

Half a decade was a lifetime when it came to change and boy had they changed, but they still came together every year on this date to remember and celebrate the day of a great mans birth and today was no different.

They had rented out a park a little down the ways from the cemetery for the celebration and as Spencer walked down the path to his husbands grave he couldn't help but think of everything they did indeed have to celebrate.

Emily had tried her best to stay strong with all of the change that had come but after a few months it became too much and she took a break from the BAU to re-evaluate her own life. Her search took her to Europe and after two years they really thought she was set, intent, and happy in her new life. They hadn't expected her return to Virginia nor the British man that had come with but to their surprise Emily had actually come back and settled with Daniel. A few months later she and Daniel moved to Boston and though she still dabbled around here and there she considered herself a housewife. They weren't married but four years together and she was confident in her position.

Dereks death was the wake up call for Jennifer. Any fear she might have had over marrying Will disappeared with the sight of Spencers ordeal. Life was too short and she didn't plan to waste hers and that's why she chose to make Will a permanent part of it. They were married in the courthouse two days after she got back from the funeral and had just had their fifth wedding anniversary. She was still part of the BAU but being a mother of two had her tapping the breaks more often, her family was and would always be her first priority.

October 3rd, 2014 had been a bittersweet day, six year old Henry had been so excited to be a big brother but she had been thinking about the Uncle her daughter would never know. One look in her baby girls big bright eyes and she knew how she'd connect them. On that day she honored and was honored to name her daughter Morgan Marie Lamontagne, who was now a beautiful 32 month old bouncy blonde.

Aaron Hotchner had accepted the change as it came. Filling three spots on his team hadn't been easy, especially not when he compared everyone that tried for a position to its original holder but he had done it and after a little readjusting they were back at it. The machine had all of its pieces but they had had to make a few stops along the way to make sure they fit together. Patience was something he nearly ran out of, especially with Garcia who hadn't taken to a new team at all and it took Michael, he had taken Dereks role, having a near death experience before she even started warming up.

His personal life had taken the biggest blow. With everything going on at work he didn't have the time for Beth, all his extra going to Jack and he had broken things off. She had remained close though saying she enjoyed spending time with Jack and that even if he didn't believe they could make a relationship work she would still like to be friends. It took him nearly a year to get his life settled again, well at least as much as it would get, and that's when he realized how strong her presence had been. She was a constant, had formed a near unbelievable bond with Jack, and he saw her more now then he did when they had been dating. Whether he liked it or not she had already squirmed her way into the position she had been denied and he didn't really think she'd go even if he asked. So he asked her to move in instead, she laughed at him saying it was about time and he wasn't at all surprised with how natural her being there felt.

David Rossi, well he was David Rossi. His way of dealing had been a week alone. No one really knew what he had done or where he had gone but when he had come back he was rigged and ready. He had become more open with his good fortune though, spoiling the kids near rotten and celebrating near everything he could get away with. When asked he'd say he was Italian and well they took it as explanation enough. The only thing that had really changed dramatically with him was his new house mate, wife number four. She was ten years his junior and at first they had been skeptical about her intentions but she was the kind of person that grew on you near immediately and after a final evaluation it looked like Isabelle just might be a keeper.

Penelope hadn't done as well. Seeing Michael, Andrew, and Taylor every day only reminded her that Derek, Spencer, and Emily weren't there anymore. Kevin had tried to be understanding but he hadn't been able to deal with her mood swings and eventually he moved on. The days had gotten unbareably long and she had been close to her breaking point. She knew she was depressed but she couldn't find it in herself to care, becoming a shell of herself as she literally alternated between work and sleep, nothing less nothing more. Spencer had found out how she had been living and after a visit from him where she was given the first good news she had heard in months she started therapy.

She still had bad days but the good out weighed them by far and she could honestly say she was happy again. The team wasn't so much of a family anymore, they got along but it was more work oriented and she herself had to adjust but they were a team none the less. Although Andrew had quickly become the exception. She hadn't liked him at first, he reminded her of a generic Spencer, he had the knowledge but he wasn't anywhere near the genius her junior G man was. No he was a surprise. On the outside he looked like your average chubby nerd, bad clothes and glasses to boot but that was what she came to call his disguise. On the inside he was a ball of fun, he was super social and loved practical jokes. She herself had claimed him as sidekick and he had quickly become and was now one of her besties. 

Sarah. She was still single but as of right now she was very much pregnant with her first child. It hadn't been planned and the man who had done it wasn't interested in being a father but she didn't care. She was due with a little girl in August and to say that her mother was excited would be an understatement. When she had told her her first words had been about damn time and soon after she had her purse and was ready to go shopping. That was something they did a lot of and she would swear that her daughter was set for the next three years, at least. 

Desiree had broken up with Tyler in the beginning of 2013. He had been ready to get married and start a family and she was still dealing with the loss of part of her own. She hadn't been looking for anyone, trying to sort herself out first when fate fell in her lap. Her car had broken down at one of the worst times possible and to say she was frustrated would be a down right lie. She was pissed and just as she was about to show the tire how much familiar words stopped her foot in the process.

"That's what you get for driving a bucket." It had sounded so much like Derek at first that she was trying to decide between tellin' him to shut up or looking for a shrink but a tap to her shoulder brought her from those thoughts. Brian was everything she hadn't known she was looking for. They quickly hit it off, no matter how she felt he could easily get a smile if not a laugh from her and he made her feel as if she was the most important thing in his world. When they were talking she could easily forget all her troubles and soon enough he asked for something she couldn't and wouldn't refuse. She was engaged to be married in the Fall of 2018, no way was she getting married without her soon to be niece as flower girl.

Fran well she was nothing less than happy. She was about to greet her first grandaughter and was helping to plan her baby girls wedding. Spencer kept her zoned in on everything that he did and she was thrilled with the choices he had been making. He lived in a small suburb right off the highway and she was looking for a place with a backyard for the kids she soon hoped to fill it. She couldn't help but imagine from time to time what he'd be up to if Derek was still with him but they talked openly about her son and though he was no longer there he was still very much part of their everyday lifes.

And Spencer... Well lets get back to him.

"I got some news yesterday, your sisters nearly suffocated me when I told them." He spoke as he brushed his fingers over the stone to clear away any extra dirt, the gold band he still wore catching a glint in the sun. "Brandon was really excited too."

He smiled over at the redheaded toddler who was playing in the grass a few feet away. "I'm kind of nervous though. I want to believe that you'd be proud but I'm still not sure if I'm doing the right thing here." Faith really wasn't for him but he found that it was easier to go through the days if he allowed himself to believe that Derek was still here in a sense and watching over him instead of leaving him all alone and on his own.

"Flo'er" The curly headed boy offered Spencer a freshly picked dandelion with a bright smile.

"For me?" Spencer was over enthusiastic with the offering as he accepted the weed.

" 's preeddy."

"It is pretty." He agreed as he pulled the boy to sit in his lap. "Why don't we put it right here." He placed the tiny thing infront of the stone. "Then everyone can see how pretty it is."

"I go get more." He was already trying to squirm away to do just that.

"Of course but don't you have something to say first?" The little boy just shook his head as he started pulling at Spencers fingers. "Yes you do."

"Noooo" Brandon disagreed as he wiggled away.

"Brandon!" Spencer called after the boy but it didn't faze him as he continued wandering off. He had to get up after he went too far for his liking which meant he was running to catch him since he would speed off the second anyone went his direction. A few moments later and he was walking back with a hyper toddler over his shoulder. "Brandon do you remember what we came to do today?"

"Nooo"

"Brandon what were we coming to say?" He knew the little boy was only being stubborn because he hadn't gotten his way.

"Nooo" He shook his head again as he tried to get out of Spencers hold.

"You want to go see grammy?" That was confirmed pretty quickly. "Well then what are we supposed to say?"

"Happy Berf-day daddy, now flo'ers?"

Spencer shook his head at the comment that was more directed to him as he set the boy down. "Yes you can go get more flowers but stay close." He didn't know why he bothered with the warning because he knew the boy wouldn't listen.

"That's your son." It was meant as a complaint as he sat back down but it was said affectionately. Brandon had come to him right before Christmas of 2014 at only a few months and to say he was spoiled rotten would be an understatement. Fran had barely left their side for a few months after, she was too busy cooing over her first grandbaby.

"Some days I swear I'm looking right at you." It was spoken somberly as he picked at the grass around him. "He's got your spirit Derek, that same maddening stubborness... It's all there." The thoughts were dampening what was supposed to be a happy day and he quickly pulled himself from them.

"Cake" Brandon bounced back over to his father unsuprisingly with no "flowers". "I wan' cake."

"Of course you do." Spencer laughed at the confused expression that had appeared on his sons face with those words. "We've got to go see Auntie Emily for cake remember."

"Lez gooo"

"In one minute buddy I'm talking to daddy." Brandon was pulling on his fingers but he soon gave up as Spencer didn't move. "Go on." He watched Brandon for a minute to make sure he wasn't going to take anything from the other stones before he turned back to his conversation.

"We came to tell you something else too." He steered himself back to the news he had been talking about. It had been a long process and had given him a lot more grief than the first time around but every second had proven worth it. "We have a daughter on the way, she should get here right before Sarahs." Fran had spoken about nothing other than how the two little girls would go to school together and grow up together and how they would just be the best of friends.

"I don't think Brandon fully understands yet but he's excited." He still worried if adopting from two different races would cause his children trouble and teasing in the future but he knew it was an obstacle that would have to be faced, if that wasn't an issue surely another would appear.

"Go now?" Brandon's pout was one he had trouble resisting and he didn't bother as he stood.

"Yeah we're going to go." Spencer lifted his son pushing his curls back after he had him adjusted on his hip. Never had he understood Derek's need to call him pretty but now looking at their son he could honestly say he had his very own pretty boy. "We just got to tell daddy good-bye."

"Bye bye daddy" He laughed through a smile as little hands waved happily. "Luv you"

"He loves you too Brandon." He couldn't help the tear that fell as he kissed their baby's head, he couldn't even begin to describe how much Derek would have loved their little boy. He could feel it and he hoped Brandon knew it.

"The yard's not full yet Derek but I'm working on it."

**The End**


End file.
